Stop, Stop, I’m Coming!
A cry of release is exactly what most lovers want to hear. But can you always believe your ears?
Anne Sexton, 07 Jun 2012
My lover flops back on the bed, exhausted. “Aargh,” he moans. “I’m wrecked. No more.”
Something unusual has occurred this evening – I’ve had an orgasm but he hasn’t. My first thought is to wonder if I’ve done something wrong. I quell this worry by telling myself that he has had a long and stressful day. This is true and instead of letting him stay home to recuperate I dragged him out to the pub. It doesn’t matter, I tell myself. I know he enjoys having sex with me – after all, he’s been happy to do so repeatedly – and with me he has had countless orgasms. Still I can’t help but be a little disappointed and concerned.
Of course it could have been worse – he could have faked it.
Everybody knows that women don’t orgasm every time they have sex, and it’s an accepted truism that because of this, lots of women fake it – more than two thirds of women have put on a performance at some point according to an article in the latest issue of the Journal of Sex Research.
What is less well known is that sex doesn’t come with an ironclad guarantee of orgasm for men either. What’s more, men are not beyond faking it either – around a quarter of men have, according to the same research.
Me, I’ve never seen the point in faking an orgasm. If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. It may be stress or tiredness or happen for no particular reason at all, but sometimes my orgasm remains elusive. As far as I am concerned, as long as the sex was enjoyable then it really isn’t a big deal. Don’t get me wrong – sex with an orgasm is my preference, but sex without one can still be a very satisfactory experience. If anything, feeling obliged to roll my eyes and groan in simulated ecstasy would negate any joy or pleasure I felt by adding a patina of dishonesty to an otherwise happy experience.
Why do people fake orgasms? According to the study by Charlene L. Muehlenhard and Sheena K. Shippee in the Journal of Sex Research there are four common reasons: the person feels that an orgasm is unlikely; they want sex to end; they do not want to hurt their partner’s feelings; and they want to please their partner. The reasons are the same for men and for women, but wanting sex to end was the most common reason for men. Four fifths of women who fake do so to spare their partner’s feelings, and half of the men who had had a sham orgasm had done so for this reason too.
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