Bothered By The God Botherers

It’s not enough that they believe in an imaginary deity. They want the rest of us to as well...

Eamonn McCann, 03 Jul 2012

I was standing outside the cathedral the other day, waiting for a coffin and wondering what was taking them so long, as you do, when this woman confronts me: “You’ll roast in hell.”

Maintaining composure, I responded matter-of-factly that, “There’s no such place as hell.”

“That’s your arrogance,” she shot back. She was joined by a man with that certain smile. “God loves you, you know.”

I made to shuffle sideways to exit their ambit, but by now the woman had her claws dug into my arm. “You won’t listen to God’s truth. You deserve what’s coming to you.”

They had heard me say on local radio that I’d given up the religion when I was about 14 because it made no sense.

Is it only me, I wondered as I finally shook her off and managed to flee, or are there others out there regularly accosted with threats of damnation and protestations of love?

I am thinking of lurking at churches even when I’m not at a funeral to ambush worshippers – “You’re wasting your time on stupidity”, I will explain. “Your life is meaningless, stunted and sad. You’ll sob on your deathbed for lost opportunities”.

Or maybe not. I am not sure I could carry off the arrogance. Unlike every altar-egoist I have ever encountered.

Watching the Euros on RTÉ has confirmed my belief that the refusal of the Irish management to experiment with the line-up will blight our future until someone has the nerve to tell some of the old stalwarts that their day is done.

But the men in charge seem unable to contemplate a shake-up. Tournament after tournament, the same predictable faces shuffle into view and adopt the same formation. Giles on the left, Brady in the middle, Dunphy on the right, O’Herlihy on the sideline, encouraging them to keep going. These days, they tend to run out of puff half way through.

One of the reasons they continue to be selected is that, irrespective of performance, the fans keep singing their praises.

Here’s a suggestion – why doesn’t RTÉ put out the Aprés Match analysis of the panel’s performance immediately following the final whistle but before the pundits kick off? Wouldn’t it be more of a laugh?

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