It happens even to the best of us – we find suddenly that we have become attracted to someone who exists in the realm of the forbidden, the unattainable. Is this the real love that dare not speak its name? And might we be better to declare our love, no matter what the potential cost?
Women aren’t used to rejection – and so they often react badly if a bloke chooses not to do the horizontal mambo with them. In fact they have been known to react violently!
Those were the final, prophetic words from STEPHEN GATELY on Twitter, as he planned to finish his children’s fantasy novel, The Tree of Seasons. Tragically, death was to intervene, bringing a sad and premature end to the career of a man who was much loved, warm and wonderfully likeable.
Separated by years and an ocean, an old lover might have seemed like a far away place. But when she arranged to meet him back where they had shared passionate sex, and a lot more besides, they both knew that they were opening up a sea of possibility.
It’s a question that is asked in most relationships at one time or another. But what should you do when you get the feeling that the fantasy is more important than the reality – that you are just a surrogate for what someone else really wants?
We’re not talking about prostitution here, just the prohibitive cost of contraception. The fact is that gratis contraception would probably save the State a lot of money in the long run – so let’s hear it for free sex…
Having resurrected James Bond in print, Sebastian Faulks has moved onto perhaps his most ambitious project yet – a multi-layered exploration of what it means to be modern.
Learning How To Say 'No'
College isn’t all about books – there are some fun and games involved too. But there are other life lessons that we have to learn as well. Best for all concerned if it isn’t the hard way...
There’s more to Electric Picnic than rock and roll. One of the non-musical highlights this year will be a political gabfest, hosted by none other than RTÉ presenter of the moment Ryan Tubridy...
Former war correspondent Ed O'Loughlin talks about tackling such epic subjects as Irish male identity and the pernicious influence of egotistical journalists on third world reporting.
Flirting, that is. But only if you’re good at it. So what is it that makes a great flirt? Our self-confessed expert finds out, with bit of little help from Sex Guru, Tracey Cox.
He became a cult bestseller with The Shadow Of The Wind. Now Spanish writer Carlos Ruiz Zafón is back with a prequel, The Angel’s Game. He talks about the influence of Dickens on his work and his debt to the ’70s school of American cinema.
Some men are used to having sex served up to them on a plate – so when they finally encounter a woman resistant to their 'charms', the results aren’t always pleasant to behold.
Fresh from the blockbuster success of her last novel Zoe Heller has taken a radically different approach as she explores the American intelligentsia’s short-lived crush on Communism.
The highlight of the evening comes when he asks the crowd to form a human tunnel. As more and more people join in, the tunnel sneaks out the door and around the corner
The seedy, destructive side of gambling is the subject of Declan Lynch’s new book. He talks about his nine month immersion in the world of spread bets and games of chance – and the sobering lessons he learned
“My desire was stronger and more insistent than my guilt. I was no longer able to resist you.” Thus a relationship started that would scale the erotic heights. So what went wrong in the end?
Men, it turns out are right. You can have great sex without falling in love. Because, it seems, that’s the way we are programmed. So is the romantic ideal of love all its cracked up to be?
From the glory days of the ‘80s to the ‘nul points’ indignation of recent years, Ireland’s Eurovision stock has taken a worrying slide. Can this year’s Moscow-bound representatives, SINÉAD MULVANEY and LESLEY-ANN, restore our standing as kings of Euro-cheese? n
It’s been a while since we’ve heard from quirky popsters Alphastates but that’s not because they’ve had a massive falling out. Rather, their lead singer lost her voice and then they suffered a sudden lack of confidence. But now they’re back, with perhaps their finest record yet.
She had been with him for months now and sex had always been good. So what could it mean when an orgasm eluded her? Was this, perhaps, the end of the affair?
A true-life tale of a once-famous Victorian murder investigation paints a fascinating picture of a society undergoing profound changes – and has eerie parallels with today’s fears about the rise of a surveillance culture, explains author Kate Summerscale.
All around us there is pressure to conform, even in love. As we grow up and fall in and out of relationships, the pressure mounts to make a definitive, final choice: to select a partner and commit to a monogamous future. Some people, however, insist on keeping open their options for fresh adventures, new encounters and a multiplicity of lovers…
An old friend. A warm place. A moment of rare intimacy. Lust takes its own wonderful shape. Having slept together before, what difference would one more trip through the wild undergrowth make?
Quickies are good! But in general we are in too much of a hurry, even when it comes to sex. Well, it’s time for a change – and that means learning to slow down, live in the moment and really enjoy getting all those sweet and sexy things done to you.
She made her reputation as a poet but Gil Adamson’s debut novel is no work of high-flying lyricism. Instead, it’s a gritty morality fable set in the Canadian wild frontier. She talks about making the transition from poetry to bloody reality.
Folk legend and son of Woody, ARLO GUTHRIE is feeling a conspiracy of hope take shape as the inauguration approaches and he gears up for his Irish tour.
Comedienne Eleanor Tiernan invites Anne Sexton into her Georgian home, and talks to her about childhood holidays in Kerry, her love of JP Donleavy, and writing a play – well, kind of – about Damien Rice and Damien Dempsey.
America may be a conservative place in many respects – but in fact we owe our modern sense of sexual freedom to great American pioneers, from Alfred Kinsey to Annie Sprinkle…
No, we’re not talking about swearing off sex, or even avoiding what others might think of as indiscretions at the office Christmas party. But safe sex - now that is a good idea!
Ever feel like chucking your job and doing something completely different? John Bishop did. The result is Stick Your Job Up Your Arse, the comic's journey from the corporate to the comedic world.
Under-age sexuality and drinking are reaching crisis point, according to former teacher turned novelist Anita Shreve, whose morally complex Testimony presents a riddle of ambiguities.
Dara O'Briain has made it through hundreds of comedy gigs, only to come close to expiration in Dublin, choking on a grain of rice in the company of our interviewer.
She was toiling in obscurity until she caught the ear of British TV host Jools Holland. Now Dublin rockabilly siren Imelda May is on the fast-track to the big time.
His witty real-life relationship tales have made him the foremost humourist of the age but David Sedaris is darned if he truly knows what makes his readers laugh.
As many as 12% of Irish people are happy to have sex without even getting to know their prospective partner's name first. That's just one of the fascinating statistics to emerge in a Durex Sex Survey, commissioned to mark National Condom Week.
But only in the bedroom. There, a little bit of sexual stereotyping – from the hard man with the hard hat to the naughty schoolgirl – isn’t a bad thing at all.
Take one seaside town and a handful of bands which haven’t already played Ireland’s increasingly crowded festival circuit and voila! – you’ve got Cois Fharraige With Sony Ericsson.
Bosnian ex-pat Aleksander Hemon has found modern resonances in the century-old tale of the murder of Jewish immigrant Lazarus Avenbach by the then Chicago chief of police.
They’ve been heralded as the biggest thing in Irish rock since U2 – a prediction that proved prescient when The Script romped to the top of the charts with their debut album.
Perhaps it was Marlay Park fatigue or the hotchpotch line-up but Lovebox was far from full. That’s not necessarily a bad thing – no queue for the booze or the loos!
There's been an upsurge in the number of women searching for the perfect vagina. It is one of the growth areas of the cosmetic surgery industry. But surely we’re better to love our bodies as they are?
Just because older women have a bit of experience under their belts doesn’t mean they have a license to start fondling twenty-something blokes when they're on the town.
Rogues’ Gallery – traditional sea songs, pirate ballads and chanteys, interpreted and performed by an eclectic mix of artists – is part high art, part punk aesthetic.
It may not be sexy, but if you want reassurance about your partner’s sexual history there is only one way to get it. But you have to be willing to go the whole hog yourself too.
There was a time when our sex columnist might have enjoyed a flirtation with gender crossover. But not anymore. So why does she find the so-called ‘metrosexual’ less than a complete turn-on?
Do men want sex without ‘feeling’? Are women genetically programmed to want sex to ‘mean’ something? Or, to put it another way, is there really any difference between the genders when it comes to the issue of casual sex?
When it comes to flirting, Irishmen are rank amateurs – as our correspondent discovered on a foray into the murky but, as it turned out, quite enjoyable world of speed dating
When a long-term relationship ends, our sex columnist finds that her friends all want to rally around to uncover a brand new mate for her. Sometimes, however, their approach is somewhat less than subtle.
Having tried sex with a host of different drugs, Anne Sexton has come to the conclusion that the best sex is had when you’re in full possession of your faculties.
While equality in the affairs of the world is essential, it is sometimes better to hand power over to your partner in the bedroom. That way lies bliss…
Love – and base lust – can drive people to quite extreme behaviour. Such as risking their necks in order to retrieve a balloon for a kid whose mother they fancy.
Most men have been forced to wonder what is going on in the mind of a lover. With the Hot Press Guide To The Female Mind, all your questions will be answered.
Natural aphrodisiacs can help to spice up your sex life – or so the manufacturers claim. But do they work? We thought there was only one way to find out.
Do you remember the music that was playing when you got your first kiss? And what was the soundtrack the first time you had sex? Often it’s not the overtly sexy songs that have the deepest sexual resonance…
Some people have a finely tuned instinct for what to do between the sheets. Others struggle to get beyond first base. So what do you do if you meet the partner of your dreams only to discover they don’t have the first inkling of how to satisfy you?
For a few nerve-wracking days, it seemed that the good times might just have come to an end. But if things had bounced differently, what would she have done?
The way they’re building apartments nowadays, the walls really do have ears. And that means that your wilder sexual cavortings can be heard by all and sundry – as our intrepid reporter discovers when her brother and his girlfriend move in.
Sexed Up is the regular Hot Press sex column by Anne Sexton. If you have any ideas, thoughts, comments or questions on sex, go to the bottom of this web page and get them down – right now!
30th Anniversary Retrospective: Well, in 2007, at least the choice is yours. Which is a bit of a change from 1977 when Hot Press launched. Back then, you couldn’t even buy a condom legally in Ireland…
30th Anniversary Retrospective: When Anne Sexton saw the headline announcing our search for a sex columnist on the front of Hot Press, she felt that destiny was calling, But where, she asks, are the groupies?
Rather a lot of our esteemed sex columnists boyfriends have turned out to be gay in the long run. Did they pick her, or has she an inbuilt, secret radar for guys who are just waiting to come out of the closet? And what about the guy who couldn’t get it up because he was gay – and is now about to marry a lovely brunette?
What happens when two women who are friends decide that they both want the same man? It can get very messy – but there may be a very tasty solution indeed if you use your imaginiation.
Condoms are more expensive in Ireland than almost anywhere else in Europe – and the VAT rate imposed by the Government is to blame. Now a campaign to get rid of the tax is gaining momentum.
Suddenly, our sex columnist was forced to do without her favourite ‘tipple’. The experience made her think again about the nature of sexual desire – and why some girls want it more than others…
When Anne Sexton made the point in a recent Hot Press article that she always carries condoms, it provoked more than a bit of controversy over the airwaves.
There’s nothing that modern women like more than complaining about how useless men are in the sack. But the truth is that there are lots of things that women get wrong too.
While good manners may have gone out of fashion, it makes a big difference in the sexual arena, if we avoid being boorish or pushy. Behaving gracefully is what it’s all about.
They come unbidden, at any hour of the day or night. And they often involve us doing things that we wouldn’t even contemplate in real life. Then again, if we carefully select the horniest ones to try out with a willing partner, they can really blow your mind.
Whether you agree or not may just be a matter of cultural indoctrination – because, in truth, there are so many different ways of looking at what’s good, bad or indifferent in the sexual arena.
The relationship between sex and love is a thorny one. The cliché is that sex is better with someone you love – but the truth is that people play away for a reason…
With Valentine’s Day looming, many singletons are suddenly eager to find a partner. But if you know where to look, hooking up is easy-peasy says Anne Sexton.
When you’re on the look out for a man, a Singles Club is a good place to start. Or is it? Well, our sex columnist thought she’d check out the lie of the land – and this is what she found…
Most women love sexy lingerie almost as much as men do – but getting it as a gift for your girlfriend can be a potentially hazardous business. On the other hand, if you strike the right note, the rewards can be overwhelming...
Annual article: Our sex columnist has been such a busy girl she asked us to open her post. We came across this rather touching missive from one of the men in her life. Apparently he thinks they need a new bed…
There are times in everyone’s life when the last thing you need is a relationship – but the thought of regular sex is very appealing indeed. Which is where a fuck buddy comes in. But what happens when an old one comes back looking for more?
A drunken lapse of reason the night before can lead to a horrible moment of clarity the morning after. Shagging under the influence is a perilous pursuit.
Apologies if it seems like a bit of an obsession, but – for women in particular – foreplay is such an important part of good, satisfying sex. Here, then are some top tips on how best to ignite the passions of the woman you lust.
There’s lots of opportunities for great sex at college. But, of course, you need a partner with a bit of a sense of adventure to get you off the ground...
Rather than getting involved in penetrative sex, with all of the risks that entails, it makes sense for teenagers to experiment sexually by getting off with different people – and trying things out for themselves.
There is nothing wrong with a holiday fling – and it doesn’t have to be about romance. Especially if one of your idols starts chatting you up over cocktails…
We are currently going through the Golden Age of Sexual Freedom. But there are dark clouds on the horizon with the increase in STDs on the one hand and the resurgence of fundamentalist religion in different guises on the other. So will our children become the New Puritans? This is the third and final part in a special three part series.
Over the past ten years – no, make that twenty! – Irish society has undergone a transformation, casting off the shackles of the moral authority imposed by the church and embracing a more open, experimental and, let’s face it, downright horny attitude to sex and sexuality. The momentum towards change has been accelerated by significant advances in health care – not to mention the media environment – so that we are now more up for it than ever before.
Will we go to orgies for sex every Friday night and speed date for romance on Saturdays? Perhaps we will bypass all the messy, physical business and just pop a pill to give us an orgasm? Thus begins a fascinating three part series on the ways in which our sexual activities are likely to change over the next ten years, as technology invades the bedroom and the old assumptions about sin and guilt are finally, thoroughly disposed of.
There is something mysterious and unpredictable about the things that make us horny, or that draw us to new lovers. The same is true of those features in potential partners that turn us right off. Here with the results of her own private survey of our likes and dislikes.
Well, it sure as hell beats having sex with your enemies! But is there not a risk of ruining a beautiful friendship? Not if your fuck buddy understands the rules of this particular kind of attraction…
A recent survey revealed that highly sexed women are far more likely to want a bit of same sex action than highly sexed men. Anne Sexton- who falls effortlessly into the highly sexed category!- recalls that it was the feel of her girl lover's skin that was the most striking aspect of her first lesbian encounter. Once she relaxed, however, it was an experience to remember.
Valentine’s Day is on its way. But forget the cheesy cards, the flowers and the pink ribbons. What every smart woman really wants on February 14th is the hot breath of a lover whose naked desire is for her, and her alone…
There is more information available than ever on sex. So all you have to do to become a good lover is to read all the books? Not so. In fact, there is a growing belief that technique is over-rated…
Not a bad ambition at all. But you have to think of yourself as well. When she did, Anne Sexton realised that she could only come, as it were, if she let herself go – and that meant being prepared to make a lot of noise indeed at critical moments. Everyone say: AAAAAAAAAGH……….
The wine is flowing. The food is good. The spirits are high. And then it’s time for dancing. If you’re in the mood to shake some sex action, the office party might seem like the perfect opportunity to make a move on someone you’ve been lusting after. But beware. The potential for disaster is, well, huge…
There may have been a time when Irish women were under the thumb of the Church- a state of affairs that was reflected in our collective attitude to sex. But in 2005, as the results of the new Durex survey show, we have taken control of our own sexual destinies-with absolutely no apologies to men!
Fuck it. (or don't) Sometimes a nice cup of tea and a snooze is preferable to all that sticky sex business. Here's the user's guide to not getting laid.
Sex toys for women are in vogue, with lots of very interesting and sexy options on the menu. But for blokes - well it's a little bit harder to find the prize.
It may pose difficult ethical questions, but the rise in the number of teenage pregnancies suggests that we need to make it easier for people to get contraception here.
Despite the impression created by the tabloids, most Irish third-level students are only beginning their sex lives. But – with all that time on your hands! – college is undeniably a good place to learn about the pleasures of the flesh…and how to enjoy them responsibility.
When you go shopping for funiture, it's worth remembering that every surface should be tested for its erotic potential. Now there's a nice sofa - for fornicating on.
It is what most men lust after, and more than a few women too. But how many of us really know what the vagina looks like, and how best to give the women we have sex with, the greatest pleasure possible?
Women, we are told, talk too much. This is an unfair criticism of my sex. We have a strong desire to communicate and share our thoughts and feelings – but not all of the time. Many women, particularly sexually inexperienced ones, find it hard to discuss their desires with their lovers. Instead they hope that their men will intuitively know what it is they want. This is a mistake.
Sexed Up is the regular Hot Press Sex Column, by Anne Sexton, published in association with Durex. If you have any ideas, thoughts, comments or questions on sex, go to the bottom of this web page and get them down – right now!
There is someone out there – well, maybe more than one – who knows how to get you horny with a simple text or email. So if you go all the way with them at a safe distance, are you being unfaithful to the man or woman you sleep with? And does it matter?
Sexed Up is the regular Hot Press Sex Column, by Anne Sexton, published in association with Durex. If you have any ideas, thoughts, comments or questions on sex, go to the bottom of this web page and get them down – right now!
Recently freed from the responsibilities of being in a relationship, our columnist has decided to make hay while the sun shines and exploit the advantages of single life to the full.
Innovation in computer games isn't the sole preserve of American designers, as Anne Sexton discovered recently when she played Blowaway, the new game from a group of final year DCU students which has been designed to appeal to women as much as to men.
Men love blowjobs (and would you blame them?). But not all women love giving them. So what do you do if you partner is a little bit on the reluctant side? Here, Anne Sexton offers a special Eight Step Guide to helping the object of your sexual desire the learn to love going down.
That’s what we’d all like to hear our lovers say, if we could read their minds after we’d bedded them. But how important is it to be hot between the sheets? Now, that’s an interesting question! Over to Anne Sexton...
Sexual freedom is a wonderful thing. But it isn’t just about saying ‘Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes’. Men – and women – have to understand that ‘no’ means just that…
Why is it that we find particular people so attractive, and want to drag them to our boudoirs straight away – while others leave us strangely cold? Anne Sexton ponders one of life's great mysteries...
Getting dreessed especially for sex is a great turn on. There's nothing like knowing that you are the object of someone else's desire - but isn't it time that men got in on the act?
His new year resolution was to have sex with a man. So, is he gay or straight or what? And where does that leave me, since I?have enjoyed the occasional dalliance with a woman? Now, there’s an interesting question!
According to the latest Durex Sex Survey, most normal Irish people are perverts at heart. And at Christmas they get an unrivalled opportunity to indulge themselves.
Suggestive emails, rude texts, watching porn, sharing a bath – let our columnist introduce you to the latest and greatest way to spice up your love life: beforeplay
We all have one special place on our bodies that drives us wild with lust. And it isn't as hard to find the location of this treasure as you might think.
Whether getting it up in public, going down in private, dogging, eating, drinking, accessorizing or using porn, in summer there’s no excuse for missionary position bedroom tedium.
Far from leading to violence, studies show that the availability of hard core porn leads to a reduction in sex crimes. And besides, perfectly normal people enjoy it.
Sex education may be a bit of a mis-nomer for what happens when the subject is discussed in school. Fact is, everyone is entitled to know that sex is fucking great.
Great sex needn’t be a marathon arrair – the quick three-minute romp can be just as satisfying an experience. Provided you practice it in moderation, naturally.
In which our sex correspondent finds that a trip to an Amsterdam strip club makes her hornier than a tomcat – with interesting consequences during the train ride home!
Would you be faithful to someone for the rest of your life? This is a question that’s been plaguing me lately. It does seem like a nice idea, but I’ve always been a bit of a sceptic.
The things I do for you! On Sunday, February 15, I strapped myself into a PVC corset, fishnets and high, high heels and headed for the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre Ball at the Sugar Club. This was an S&M and fetish party that my friend Lucinda was keen to attend and she dragged me along. Off I went, for ‘research purposes’, you understand.
They go out in the freezing cold at 3am for condoms and spend hours searching for the G-spot. With St. Valentine’s Day romance in the air, our sex columnist says, ‘Let’s hear
it for the boys’...
Sexed Up is the regular Hot Press Sex Column, by Anne Sexton, published in association with Durex. If you have any ideas, thoughts, comments or questions on sex, go to the bottom of this web page and get them down – right now!
Ann Sexton on what women really want for Valentine's Day, plus the Sex O'Clock News
Anne Sexton is the winner of the Hot Press Search For A Sex Columnist competition, run in association with Durex. Originally from Ireland, she spent many years in South Africa. A graphic artist, she has an honours degree in English and always harboured a desire to write. She also has an abiding – and uninhibited – interest in sex.
