Why should I go?
When Tony Bennett sang about leaving his heart in San Francisco, he was speaking on behalf of an awful lot of people. The delicious whiff of flower-power and protest rock still hangs heady in the air – especially in the hippy sanctum of Haight-Ashbury. “San Fran” has also been a lodestown for artists, musicians and free-thinkers. But it is, in addition, home to Silicon Valley over-achievers and has served as a backdrop to some of Hollywood’s most iconic movies, among them Vertigo, the Dirty Harry series and Zodiac. And for sightseers, there are no end of delights: the Golden Gate Bridge and Park, the largest Chinatown in North America, Fisherman’s Wharf and, of course, one of the world’s most famous prisons, Alcatraz.
Why should I not go?
Earthquakes. The possibility of another dot.com crash. The fact that the sitting Governor of California once appeared on screen as a semi-nude robot.
What’s my challenge?
Bring comfortable runners – San Francisco is hilly, very hilly. The tallest one, Mount Davidson, is an Everest-esque 925 feet.
How do I get there?
Aer Lingus flies direct from Dublin. Return flights are available from upwards of around €485.
When should I go?
May to the start of October is the warmest time here. June is one of the most ‘happening’ months. There’s a huge amount going on, from the North Beach Street Fair (www.sfnorthbeachstreet.org/festival) to the more alternative Haight Street Fair (www.haightashburystreetfair.org). June is also when the local gay scene, the most vibrant in the US, shows its colours. Some 50,000 participate in the annual Pink Saturday parade – other popular gay and lesbian events include Gay Pride, and the San Francisco International LGBT Film Festival (www.frameline.org).
What’s the touristy thing you have to do?
Since its completion in 1937, the iconic Golden Gate Bridge has become one of the world’s most famous manmade sights. With a bit of luck, you’ll get to see it as fog rolls in from the sea, giving the bridge a mystical sheen. If you have a couple of hours to spare, it’s worth walking towards the Golden Gate from the Marina Blvd, Old Mason St. area – the views of Alcatraz in the near distance are stunning. And if you’re a bookworm, you simply have to visit City Lights Books. Located at 261 Columbus Ave, City Lights is famous for helping introduce the wider world to Allen Ginsberg’s controversial Howl and Other Poems collection, and was also frequented by his fellow Beat hell-raiser Charles Bukowski.
What should I avoid?
Watching the San Francisco 49ers play at 3Com Park is a must, but make sure you get the hell out of there straight afterwards. The Bayview-Hunters Point ‘hood it’s in is home to two of the most feared gangs in the city, and last year accounted for about a quarter of all the city’s murders.
How much to get tanked?
Beer and spirits are far cheaper than in Ireland, an average draught beer costing around $4/$5. A local favourite is the Vodka Martini, known in SF as the chilled spirit (expect to pay no more than $5, even in the swankiest bars).
What about dining?
When it comes to food, San Francisco is up there with Paris, Rome, New York and foodie paradise San Sebastián. All kinds of dining are catered for, from excellent seafood to Chinese, Italian, Japanese and – shudder – ‘traditional’ Irish fare.
What should I bring home?
Be sure to stuff your suitcase with designer American brands such as Tommy Hilfiger, Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren and DKNY. You’ll probably have to pay import duty when you get back to Ireland but, even taking this into consideration, prices are far cheaper than at home.

Recommended!
Restaurants

City View
662 Commercial Street
One of Chinatown’s most popular dim sum restaurants

Ideale
1315 Grant Ave
www.idealerestaurant.com
The best Italian in town

1550 Hyde
1550 Hyde St
www.1550hyde.com
For a taste of Californian cuisine

Catch
2362 Market St
www.catchsf.com
Superior seafood joint

Pubs

Specs’
12 William Saroyan Place (directly facing City Lights Books)
This bar looks like something straight out of a Charles Bukowski novel and is one of the favourite haunts of some of the city’s famed present day writers. Make sure to say ‘hi’ to Dubliner Sean Jackson, pouring pints here since the mid-‘70s.

O’Reilly Irish Pub
622 Green Street
Serves arguably the best breakfast in town – quite a boast for a city that helped invent brunch. For ex-pats suffering grease withdrawal symptoms, the full Irish is worth every cent of the $11 asking price. Starts serving at 9.30am.

Hotels

Hotel Metropolis
25 Mason Street
Doubles: $75
www.hotelmetropolis.com

Hotel Vertigo
940 Sutter Street
Doubles: $64
www.hotelvertigosf.com

DEPARTURES
MAD FOR MALAGA
If you fancy a bit of May Bank Holiday sunshine and can blag some extra days off, Ryanair will fly you to Malaga from Dublin on Sunday morning and back again on Tuesday night for around €120.
Unlike Torremolinos, its Irish ‘n’ Brits on the piss hellhole of a neighbour, Malaga is the epitome of old world Andalusian charm and doesn’t treat tourists as walking €/£ signs.
There are also great Bank Holiday deals to be had in hotels like the Malaga Centro (Marmoles 6. www.booking.com), which has superior double rooms for €80 night. Other selling points include its rooftop bar and close proximity to the fabulous Museo Picasso – Pablo together with actor Antonio Banderas and golfer Miguel Angel Jimenez being one of the port city’s favourite sons.
Where Malaga really comes into its own though is in the food department. If your wallet’s not up to the Michelin-starred Café de Paris (Calle Velez. Tel. +34 952 299 148. www.rcafedeparis.com) head to El Chinitas (Calle Moreno Monroy 4-6. Tel. +34 952 210 972. www.elchinitas.com) where the cold garlic soup with raisins, swordfish in cava and rabbit stew are both legendary and half the price you’d pay for similar fare here. The locals are also inordinantly fond of churros – artery-hardening slices of fried bread dipped in chocolate.

HIP TO BE MAIN SQUARE
Main Square is that rarest of beasts – a 30,000-capacity festival that takes place right in the middle of its parent city, Pas-de-Calais.
Running this year from July 2 to 5 – ideal for Oxegen warm-up purposes! – its impressive bill includes Coldplay, The Ting Tings, Lily Allen, Kanye West, Kaiser Chiefs, Bloc Party, Gossip, Katy Perry, Lenny Kravitz, Placebo, Moby, Michael Franti, Phoenix and the fucking ginormous in France Placebo and Amy MacDonald.
Four day passes priced €175 are available from www.mainsquarefestival.fr/2009.
While London is actually closer, the inconsiderate positioning of the North Sea means you’re better off getting the cheapest flight possible to Brussels or Paris which are respectively 209 and 292 kilometres away, and then high-speed training it.
Our old friend www.booking.com – we’re not on commission, honest! – can sort you out with a double in a three-star establishment like the Hotel Meurice (5/7 rue Edmond Roche) for under a hundred euro a night.

IN THE PUBLIC INTEREST
Over in Blighty recently, Hot Travel selflessly gave Peter Haydon’s London’s Best Pubs (New Holland Publishers, £14.99) a thorough road testing and was much taken with it selections.
Haydon’s number one boozer is The White Horse in Parsons Green, “a veritable Aladdin’s Cave for the bibliophile” whose beer menu is only marginally thinner than the local telephone directory.
They also do a battered Cornish haddock & home cut chips, which gives even the mighty Burdock’s a run for its money.
Whet your appetite – and your whistle – at www.whitehorsesw6.com.

DEPARTURES
Virgin Atlantic is offering discounted London Heathrow-Chicago flights for £250 return including all taxes and charges… Paris Beauvais Airport is closing from June 3 to 10 to facilitate the upgrading of its landing systems, which are susceptible to bad weather. Ryanair will be emailing all effected passengers. Meanwhile, Michael O’Leary is blaming the €10 tourist tax for the axing of Ryanair’s Dublin to Basel, Doncaster Sheffield, Porto and Durham Tees Valley routes in July. We’d be extremely surprised if the carnage ends there… New microwave landing technology, which is expected to drastically reduce landing delays due to fog and reduced visibility, has been introduced at London Heathrow…