An earnest Hungarian slipped something into my hand the other evening. "This may interest you, he said, in dulcet tones. I laughed nervously; I wasn't sure I liked him. Very intense, I thought. Funny how sometimes, even with the best will in the world, I can project qualities that are obviously mine on to others. Intense, moi?
Anyway. On this sheet of paper was a list of character traits of those of an artistic persuasion. The style is recognisably 12-step; the characteristics have shame at their core, in various guises.
Artists, of course, can be any and all of us; there is something in each of us that is creative, that is original. Most cultures conspire against individuals developing their originality; conformity is the standard in education, not eccentricity. In one sense, this is understandable; but unfortunately the method by which originality is suppressed is often highly destructive. From simple and blatant begrudgery to subtle shaming and ostracisation, failing the standard of conformity often has disastrous effects.
Deep down, it is not the parts of us that do well in meeting other people's expectations that give us the deepest pride; it is that part of us that strikes out and does something different that gives us the warmest glow inside.
These are the characteristics of ARTS anonymous: it's for everyone, really, not just musicians and poets and sheep-picklers.
1. We grew up in an atmosphere of invalidation which resulted in ambivalence about our artistic expression. That's true of most families; it's rare that you come across a family that is unambiguously supportive of the children fully expressing themselves.
2. In any given twenty-four hour period we find ways, consciously or unconsciously, to avoid doing that which gives us the most joy expressing our creativity. Joy? What's that about? Why would I want to feel joyful in a day? Ridiculous suggestion. I'm an Irish Catholic, nothing to do with joy. I'll have another pint, go on, force me.
3. We have withdrawn from our art by investing ourselves in lifestyles, relationships and work activities incompatible with our artistic purpose. Our creative energy has often been diverted into destructive compulsions toward alcohol, food, sex, money, drugs, gambling and preoccupation with the past. Look, I'm too busy trying to scratch a living to cope with this creativity lark. Look how hard I'm working! I'm being so busy, everyone can feel sorry for me, if they feel bothered enough.
4. We have made needless sacrifices for our art and yet are afraid to make the necessary sacrifices. We are unable to balance the significant areas of our lives Physical, Financial, Social, Love, Family, Spiritual and Creative. But the only sacrifices that everyone understands are needless ones; people look at you strangely if you really take yourself seriously.
5. Self-defeating thoughts and societal myths turn in our heads: It's too late I'm too old I'm not ready I am not good enough Art is not practical Artists are neurotic You'll starve. We have accepted these as true when, in fact, they are not. Ah, but I am neurotic. Disproves it, doesn't it?
6. We have felt intimidated by other artists' success. Jealousy, envy, fear, self-pity, perfectionism, resentment and other character defects block our creative expression. Ah, the twelve-step "character defects" discourse. Too much like sin for my liking; but then I'm perfect.
7. We stand always on the edge of a beginning, afraid of commitment. Fearful of pursuing our creativity as a means of earning a living, we get caught in the Amateur syndrome. The concept of supporting ourselves through our art has seemed overwhelming. We are unable to determine the monetary market value of our art. "Always on the edge of a beginning"? Don't know what they mean here. I've actually started a play, it's on scene two now, and the fact that I haven't touched it in months is only due to the fact that I've been so incredibly busy . . .
8. We have thought of our art as divorced from reality, denying ourselves the right to follow our dream. We forget that artists are entitled to their right work and deserve the happiness and success that right work brings. Loyal readers will no doubt be aware that any suggestion that happiness is deserved is not going to be supported by me.
9. We deny our responsibility to fully develop and realize our talent. We do not feel worthy of the success we achieve or desire. We feel like a fraud. Look, it's not my responsibility. No-one's noticed me yet, that's all.
10. Being multi-talented, we have difficulty discerning our true artistic vision, making a commitment to it and establishing the priorities to fulfill it. That sounds too much like real work.
11. We have difficulty following through on projects and frequently sabotage our efforts. We want to work at our art but don't know how. We become impatient with the process, forgetting that the results come in God's time, not ours. Our time is unmanageable. Who mentioned God? I'm out of here. I can't be bothered with this.
12. We have been afraid of our creative energy and have mistrusted our creative instincts. Lacking spiritual awareness, we have not seen ourselves as channels for the infinite creative process. Our art is a gift to be shared. Can't top that one, I'm afraid. That's either too simple, or too difficult. I can't quite decide. n
http://www.pagehost.com/ARTS/ the webpage of ARTS Anonymous.