A Hack's Progress

Perhaps it’s just coincidence, or something to do with it being that time of year when college places are allocated to school-leavers, but in the last fortnight four different people have sought my advice about how to “get into” journalism. It’s a question I’m always loath to answer, not least because it’s a line of work I fell ass-backwards into when I was at a loose end and as a result I have spent recent years fruitlessly exploring assorted avenues of escape that will enable me to “get out” of journalism.

Now I could be wrong, but I am invariably left with the impression that the people who come to me looking for counsel invariably want to know how to get into the kind of journalism that entails drinking free booze while hob-knobbing with famous people, as opposed to the kind of journalism that involves writing weekly court reports for the Sligo Champion.
Not having attended a lig, as such star-studded events are known in the trade, for over four years, my advice to these people is to steer a wide berth of journalism. Supping free ale and rubbing shoulders with celebrities may sound like some kind of idyllic existence, but once you realise that despite being richer than you will ever be, most of these people are so talentless they would have trouble finding their arse with both hands, the bitterness soon kicks in and you become very cynical. Few experiences are as dispiriting as being forced to wait in line for the opportunity to spend 10 minutes exchanging bland platitudes with a showbiz luminary who you know is telling you lies.
Of course from time to time you do meet interesting people who are genuinely good at what they do, but far from making the job worthwhile, they succeed only in causing intense bouts of self-loathing because they’re out there doing it and you’re reduced to the role of slack-jawed chronicler.
So you grab what crumbs of comfort you can. Several years ago I was lucky enough to get in a scrap of sorts over a tape-recorder with Thom Yorke from Radiohead, which was broken up by Tim Wheeler from Ash. It’s probably fair to say that this bout of handbags was quickly forgotten by both men as they set about recording their assorted sonic masterpieces and showcasing them before sell-out stadium crowds. Needless to say (a) it remains one of the highlights of my life and (b) for the record, he started it.
But I digress. How do you “get into” journalism? Writing something is probably a good start. I recall my friend and colleague the journalist, playwright and novelist Declan Lynch once writing that no editor has ever refused a good article. At the time he was right, but things have moved on since then. The glut of glossy celebrity gang-bang magazines currently cluttering up the racks of newsagents is proof positive that more and more editors are less and less willing to refuse any article, regardless of its quality. If pride in your work isn’t an issue, it has never been easier to “get into” journalism. A monkey with dyslexia and a pencil could make a decent living contributing to many of our nation’s bestselling glossies. Failing that, he could always dress like a twat and pose for a snap with the Sunday Independent’s crack “03 Team” of pulse-taking yoof gurus.
Whether or not would-be journalists should study their craft (if you consider it a profession you’re already further up the greasy pole than I am) in college is a question I simply can’t answer. All I can tell you is that I didn’t and, more importantly, most of the writers whose work I admire didn’t either. While others were honing their shorthand skills, they were out hustling for gigs here and there, getting a head-start by learning the trade on the job.
And while I would never advise anyone against bettering themselves by studying journalism in college, I’ve never been able to understand exactly what it is these students spend four years doing in a college like Dublin City University that couldn’t be picked up in a couple of months on work placement in the offices of a publication that’s involved in your particular field of interest.
Just as no editor has ever refused a good article, it’s my experience that no magazine or newspaper magnate in their right mind has ever refused to accept the services of somebody who is willing to work for free. Of course once you’ve got a foot in the door, it’s up to you to ensure that you set about getting both feet under the table.
Of course if the prospect of spending time working for free doesn’t appeal to you and you think you have the aesthetic qualities to pull it off, sleeping your way to the top is always an option in journalism, just as it is in any line of work. Bon chance.