Austin Powers In Goldmember

The shagadelic spy has returned for a third instalment, and while some might have expected the joke to have worn thin by now, the hoots of helpless laughter which echoed around the preview theatre indicates that Goldmember will again go down (ooh, behave!) a treat with Powers devotees. Easily the silliest and most lobotomised film release you will see all year, but guiltily funny for five-minute stretches, this plays exactly like its two predecessors: a ninety-minute avalanche of fart and shit gags, tit shots, ass shots, double-entendre puns, Bond pisstakes and cockney rhyming slang. It’s of no more value than Big Brother, but it’s a lot of fun if you’re willing to indulge it.

The ‘plot’: Dr. Evil (Myers), his nefarious plans to destroy Powers (Myers again) having been twice thwarted, has hatched a cunning plan (codenamed Preparation H) which involves the kidnapping of Austin’s daddy (Caine, hamming like never before). Destiny’s Child starlet Beyonce Knowles makes her big-screen debut as a scarcely-dressed, Seventies-styled blaxploitation queen and there are countless gimmicky cameos from such luminaries as Tom Cruise, Gwyneth Paltrow, Britney Spears, Ozzy Osbourne and Kevin Spacey. But it’s still Myers’ twin creations who provide the vast bulk of the humour. The rest of the freak-show veers from the comically pleasing (Verne Troyer’s Mini-Me) to the hideously unfunny (Fat Bastard returns from episode two). A scene where Fat Bastard takes a bowel movement before inspecting and loudly analysing the contents of his freshly-excreted faeces is fairly typical of the film, and certainly put me off my Lion bar.

While the notion of grown adults lapping it up is faintly sad, I couldn’t recommend Goldmember highly enough for those with kids around the nine-year-old mark. British-influenced toilet humour hasn’t been in such safe hands since the heyday of Carry On , and the copious helpings of piss and poo on display might have accounted for the near-hysterical mirth Goldmember instilled in my nine-year-old best pal. Laughter is contagious, or at least that’s my excuse.

Bigger, better, harder, firmer etc. etc. You want sophistication? This film features twin Japanese sluts named Fook Mi and Fook Yu.