CAN'T BI ME LOVE!

I've just made love to my boyfriend. It's Saturday morning, children are playing outside (well fighting, same thing). I reach over and stroke his face, to feel the sensation of a fine stubble and I recall the smoothness of my former lover's face. The curve of her lips, the curl of her hair. I wonder would a lesbian woman ever consider having me as a girlfriend again?

Bisexual, Dolphin, Fencesitter. Labels associated with flirtation, unreliability and lack of trust. Bollox.

According to the dictionary, bisexuality is "sexual or romantic attraction or behaviour directed towards some members of more than one sex". Therefore I am bisexual. Any confusion I might feel stems not from inside, but has its roots, rather, in the labels people continuously stick on me.

I love women. I love men. I haven't had much success with women, maybe because of my Catholic upbringing or a mental, sorry physical, block. That doesn't mean I don't desire them.

Some lesbian women will say that bisexuality is supporting the patriarchy and deserting feminism. So, if I'm with a man I'm not a woman (in the real sense). If I'm with a man I'm straight, with a woman I'm a lesbian. Therefore, I'm only bisexual when I'm not in a relationship!

This kind of thinking completely dismisses the concept of bisexuality, as well as dismissing those who identify themselves as heterosexual but sleep with members of the same sex.

Bisexual, to some, suggests that you hop into bed with a man one night, a woman the next. More typically, bisexual women (and I'm not excluding men, I'm simply talking personally) have long-term relationships with women, and also with men - sometimes within a span of three months, sometimes five years. And these relationships are as solid, loving and as fraught with pain as any relationship.

Some lesbian women seem to think that if a 'real' lesbian sleeps around with other women, that's OK. If a bisexual sleeps around, however, they are damned for eternity to a lowly place in the ranks of the George. I can, of course, understand the health worry of contracting AIDS and other diseases. So the irresponsible bisexual did not engage in safer sex! What about all the women you have slept with that just weren't honest enough to tell you of their sexual orientation? How many times have you been at risk? If a woman is honest enough to tell she is bisexual at the risk of her admirer tearing off to the other end of the pub to hide amongst her lesbian friends, then one can only hope that she would also be honest about her sexual practices. (It takes two to tango and safe sex is not the responsibility of any one person).

"Lesbianism is about more than sexuality," according to one woman I spoke to. "Lesbians identify with other lesbians, it's part of the struggle of being a woman in a man's world. It's about strong female images."

So then should we consider it wrong to be bisexual? Are we to have a 'woman only' world just as some of us have 'women only' space? Surely there is enough space for everyone?

If a woman desires women and men (not necessarily at the same time), is she supposed to go for psychiatric help as some lesbian women were forced to? If it is a rightful choice to be a lesbian then why is it not the same for a bisexual? My simple answer to this is that the idea that a woman a lesbian fancies has slept (and will again) with men is essentially intimidating to some lesbians. Not only do you have to keep your eyes peeled for potential female rivals, but also for males!

That observation will cause the hackles to rise on lesbian necks everywhere but what other reasons do they give? "It's a betrayal to the cause", "It's a phase", "Real lesbians don't sleep with men". All very intelligent statements, don't you think? How many times has someone said that to a lesbian: "It's a phase, you'll get over it". Wouldn't it be fair to give the same understanding to bisexuals as lesbians expect themselves?

I do not care what society calls me. I've been called worse in my life. I am a woman. I am in love with a man. Next year, who knows? I might be in love with a woman, if she'll have me. To use the words of a popular gay anthem, "I will survive".