You know how it is. You go to a Kevin Smith movie and inevitably you come out of the cinema muttering to yourself. “It’s not as good as Clerks.” If it was anybody else, the appearance of Clerks 2 would make you think, “A –ha, he’s retreating from new material in the aftermath of Jersey Girl.” But the Askewniverse has never really stopped dancing to the stoner rhythms of the Quick Stop. Truth is, Smith is always at his best when eavesdropping on ne’er-do-wells attempting to gross each other out with sick clippings from the darkest corners of the internet. We should not be at all surprised then to discover that Clerks 2 is Kevin’s finest work since his hallowed debut.
12 years have passed since we left counter jockeys Dante Hicks (O’Halloran) and Randal Graves (Anderson) at the New Jersey Quick Stop and next-door video store. Happily, they have now only made it as far as Mooby’s down the road and still lead lives that are blissfully unmolested by ambition or purity of thought.
In between theories on hobbit sexuality and set pieces with strippers doing things to donkeys that might best be summarized as the love that dare not speak its name, there is a sweetly romantic plot. Dante’s fiance, Emma (Jen Schwalbach aka Mrs Kevin Smith), is moving him down to Florida so he can run her father’s car wash business. As Clerks 2 opens it’s his last day at Mooby’s with Randal, foxy manageress Becky (Rosario Dawson), Transformer-geek Elias (Trevor Fehrman) and a recently rehabilitated Jay and Silent Bob (now they only sell drugs).
Will Dante give in and stay in New Jersey to talk shit to Randall and Becky instead? Well, you can probably guess, but it’s a fun ride just the same. Smith regulars such as Jason Lee and Ben Affleck duly pop up. Star Wars fans pick on Lord Of The Rings nuts. And important subjects of the day – ass-to-mouth action, the use of the term ‘porch monkey’ and Optimus Prime – are discussed in loving detail.
Result! Without doubt, the greatest film featuring interspecies erotica ever made.