“I’m going to do something really good for the people who are sleeping,” Scratch says. “They need some good music.”

We sure do Scratch. Good music matters more than ever in these recessionary times when an annoying act called Austerity receive far too much hype.
“What is recession?” Perry asks. “Money problems? The only way one can survive is to change your ways. You have to do something different, especially when it comes to eating and smoking. Every time we smoke it causes problems. We are polluting the air. We have to stop doing that. Eat less dead stuff and eat more green stuff.”
Absolutely Scratch. You’ve knocked weed, alcohol and meat on the head. You’re 77 and still working as hard as ever. Have you ever considered retiring?
“Hehehe,” Perry giggles. “I don’t know. Maybe I won’t try lots of stuff or do things that I can’t continue. The people need me. The people need a doctor, so I don’t think about retirement. They need a doctor.”
From Doctor Reggae to the Pope, Scratch has been a consistent critic of the Vatican since deeming it the “city of iniquity” on his 1977 song ‘Baffling Smoke Signals’. What does he make of the new Pope?
“We need something different,” Perry insists. “We need people to get closer to nature. The higher one has exposed them. They are in big trouble now.
“I thought when he [presumably Pope Francis] washed people’s feet, it was a good idea, yes. He showed more love to the people. God is in nature. God is in all people. God is in my music. God don’t like what the Pope has done so he must change. The Pope must repent to young boys and everyone they have hurt. Guide them towards loving.
“I tell people to say the Our Farter. ‘Our Farter, who fart in heaven, hallowed be thy name.’ Or, ‘Our Farter who poop in heaven. Hallowed be thy name whirlwind?’”
Hot Press doesn’t know what to say.
“Hehehe. Our Farter, who fart in heaven. Hallowed be thy name, whirlwind. The Pope is whirlwind. The Pope is invisible. Your poop is in you. All of us – poop! Whirlwind. The Pope is not the father, the poop is the father that lives in you. Are you okay?”
I’m fine, thanks Scratch. Finally, do you have any message for the good people of Ireland?
“People of Ireland, may God bless you and save your soul and give you strength for the next generation,” Perry incants. “People of Ireland, may God help and guide you and give you strength for the journey. Please eat less meat and please stop smoking cigarettes.”
Hot Press has nothing to add.

Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry plays Forbidden Fruit on Saturday.