You have to give Disney some credit: for a blatant attempt to make a more guy-friendly Twilight franchise, I Am Number Four nails the central character. Forget about sparkly emo-vampires who play classical piano, John Smith (Alex Pettyfer) is a buff, surf-loving alien who hangs around with Timothy Olyphant. Now that’s cool.
Hiding on Earth following an attack on his planet by the evil the Mogodorians, John is one of nine gifted survivors who possess ‘Legacies’ such as telekinesis and glow sticks in their palms (note: they glow, not sparkle.) With three prodigies already murdered, John is next on the Mogodorians’ list. But being a potentially planet-saving alien doesn’t mean John can skip school. So he also has to try and negotiate high school bullies and woo his crush Sarah (Glee’s Dianna Agron, apparently an alternative social outcast because she wears beanie hats).
Though John and Sarah’s relationship is as central to the plot as the whole he’s-an-alien-in-danger conceit, their chemistry is sadly anaemic. This is partly due to the bland characters and partly because the major obstacles to their happy ever after are the thoroughly unthreatening school bully Jake Abel and the absurd Mogodorians. With springs in their shoes, leather military garb, Russian accents and gills right beside their noses, the Voldemort-esque vampiric beings are mere caricatures of evil. You can’t blame leader Kevin Durand for hamming up his role to the extreme.
Admittedly, the major fight scenes are visually impressive, benefiting from producer Michael Bay’s expertise. And as leather-clad biker chick Number Six, Teresa Palmer oozes the sex appeal and screen presence that Pettyfer and Agron sorely lack. But as the battles remain largely injury- and tension-free, tedium sets in, I Am Number Four’s lack of originality and excitement is unavoidable. Though it ends on a cynically unresolved and sequel-promoting non-conclusion, I’m not holding my breath for the franchise’s Number Two.