IT’S A BLACKBOARD JUNGLE OUT THERE

It could almost be a question for RTE’s Blackboard Jungle. What high-profile TV personality for his first record purchase bought Shakin’ Stevens’ ‘Green Door’ for himself, and ‘The Birdy Song’ for his sister (he claims)?

The answer is Ray D’Arcy, genial quizmaster (what else?) on Blackboard Jungle and the regular fall-guy for the antics of Dustin, Zig and Zag and other cuddly objects like Simon Young on Network Two’s infamous Den.

His appearances on the thrice-weekly quiz show, which is produced by Frontier Films, and his Monday to Friday stint on The Den add up to over 16 hours of television per week, surely more than any other Irish broadcaster?

On top of that demanding schedule, D’Arcy regularly manages to squeeze in numerous other jobs of journeywork. Last year his over-burdened diary included assisting Dustin to cause mayhem on Féile TV, in-store promotions for Xtravision video chain and trips to the USA where he interviewed a host of stars of the calibre of Steve Martin and Rosanne Arquette. However it’s just possible that the highlight for D’Arcy in 1993 was his compering, Gay Byrne-style, of the Castletownbere Queen Of The Sea Competition, allegedly a serious rival to the ailing Rose Of Tralee. D’Arcy coyly refuses to confirm this.

Not that all such public appearances are a piece of cake. This suspicion is borne out by D’Arcy’s horror story about a disco job he reluctantly took some years ago and which turned out to a nightmare.

“I can laugh at it now, but it was awful at the time,” he recalls. “It happened when I took this booking for a disco in Rathvilly Community Centre in County Carlow. It hardly seemed like a major adventure initially, but when I got there I found that the community centre was more like a cowshed and looked and smelled a lot like one too.

“That was bad enough, but I also noticed that the electricity service to this cowshed was not exactly state of the art,” he adds. “Shortly after the gig got under way, the lighting failed and in due course the power supply for the disco equipment spluttered off as well, so the whole thing ended very early and in total darkness!”

“I generally avoid disco appearances,” he concludes diplomatically.

D’Arcy’s media career began way back when he presented Rogha Re, Irish for Ray’s Choice, on his local pirate radio station in Kildare. “Even to-day,” he admits, “although I don’t actually work on radio, when I hear a record in the car I do imaginary introductions in my head.”

In fact he has always had a fascination with radio and says he even remembers as a mere lad selling his bike to get some DJ gear. “My mother was so upset that she cried and she subsequently borrowed £200 for me to get proper gear, although I still think that she was convinced I was wasting my time.”

His break into the dizzying world of the boob-tube came when he answered an advertisement for presenters for Jo-Maxi, and scored one of the positions. Then when Ian Dempsey got too big to be seen talking to toys in public on Dempsey’s Den, D’Arcy got the unenviable job of having to follow in the footsteps of the man who had charmed the nation as the natural foil for the zany antics of Zig and Zag on their way to becoming household names.

As a big fan of Ian Dempsey, D’Arcy was worried initially about whether he could handle the gig, but after the first tentative week he felt he could do it and in due course settled in as Dempsey’s natural successor. He had only made himself comfortable in that role than he was approached by Frontier Films to host their planned Blackboard Jungle quiz programme for school and college-goers from all over the country and he slipped into quizmaster mode with equal aplomb.

The recording of Blackboard Jungle imposes a gruelling schedule not only on D’Arcy but on all the crew – including George Byrne of this parish and Paul Cleary who are given the task of stockpiling a mountain of suitably-challenging questions. The entire rehearsing and shooting of a staggering 96 separate programmes have to be crammed into six hectic weeks.

“One of the most important things I have to watch is the pronunciation of any odd or unusual words, but I usually run through them very thoroughly the night before we tape each show,” he explains.

The series has received the ultimate accolade by being the subject of heated complaints to Arthur Murphy’s Mailbag, including prurient objections to the use of suspected rude words or lamenting the boisterous cheering which sometimes reveals a partisan audience lacking in Lord Lonsdale’s traditional sense of fair play.

Although the stories about hilariously wrong answers have yet to become as legion, or as legendary, as Larry Gogan’s Just A Minute Quiz, D’Arcy’s Blackboard Jungle is amassing a tidy pile, including the contestant who, when asked for the name of actor who played the title role in Malcolm X, replied ‘Mel Gibson’. On another occasion the contestant was asked to give the more accurate name for the constellation known as the Little Bear and confidently, but alas wrongly, answered ‘Morris Minor’.

D’Arcy’s interest in music obviously contributes to his suitability for both The Den and Blackboard Jungle and his eclectic tastes range from Ray Charles to Us 3, or, as he says himself, anything with soul. But what we want to know is whether he ever paid his mother back that £200.

• Ray D’Arcy presents Blackboard Jungle every Monday, Wednesday and Friday on RTE Network 2 at 8pm.