Drat! Laughlines missed our chance to see two of Galway’s funniest tribesmen in action recently when EMMET O’MALLEY and KEVIN McGUIRE staged their How To Escape From The Hospital And Run A Comedy Show at The Cellar Bar. The lads neglected to inform us of the gigs until the eleventh hour (which would be 11pm, right?) and we couldn’t get a babysitter. Or a baby, for that matter. I can excuse O’Malley, a mere slip of a lad, but McGuire, among his many talents, is a chief hotpress stringer in the Wesht. Go figure.

Those lucky people who managed to catch TOMMY TIERNAN on his recent countrywide tour may be luckier than they think. It seems that Tommy has been approached by the US production team responsible for the TV shows Cheers and Frasier to star in a new US based sitcom. Although DYLAN MORAN was also up for the role, word on the street is that talent scouts took one look at Tierno live and decided there and then that he was their man. The bad news for the rest of us is that should Tommy accept their offer he’ll have to re-locate to LA, which means no more live outings for the forseeable future.

A perusal of the program for the Belfast Festival at Queen’s, from October 25th to November 11th also reveals a host of comedy talent. GARTH MARENGHI’s Fright Night opens at The Summit at the Old Museum’s arts centre on November 25th and promises to offer a haunting treastise on the writing process that’s half Alfred Hitchcock and half Stephen King. Laughlines’ drinking buddy JOHNNY VEGAS plays the festival for one night only at the Elmwood Hall on October 26th, while Channel 4’s MARK THOMAS plays the same venue on October 30th. In view of recent world events this hard-hitting purveyor of political comedy should provide a challenging and thought provoking evening.

US comedian SCOTT CAPURO plays The Kremlin on October 31st and is sure to offer an antidote to the ‘Of Course I’m Hysterically Funny, I’m Gay!’ school of comedy that has seen a dozen GRAHAM NORTON clones leaping out of our closets. Capuro is gay, gorgeous and doesn’t merely trade on his sexuality to get laughs. Funny, intelligent and thoughtful, it seems the cliches are as true in comedy as in life. The best ones are always either married or gay.

Also at the Elmwood Hall, on November 1st is the acclaimed Edinburgh and Beyond FHM Comedy Tour, headlined by JENNY ÉCLAIR and featuring LEE MACK, JOHN MOLONEY and Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award 2000 finalist ANDY ZALTZMAN. Another highlight of the festival is master of deadpan comedy JACK DEE who plays the prestigious Waterfront Hall on November 4th. Closing the festival, from a comedy point of view at least, is a triple bill at the Elmwood Hall on November 9th featuring CHRIS ADDISON, NOEL FIELDING and JOHN OLIVER. Between them, the trio have picked up a plethora of awards and both comedy and dance anoraks will be fascinated to know that Noel Fielding is sampled on MIDFIELD GENERAL’s ‘Midfielding’. So there.

Did anybody see the BBC’s Comedy Newcomer awards? Laughlines reckon that our MICHAEL DOWNEY was robbed, since the rest of the competitors seemed more suited to open mic slots.

Finally it’s Ken Allen’s Clean Joke Book: Joke No. 2 from chisel-jawed Ken: “What do you call a chicken in a shell-suit? An egg!” Harrumph! Also coming soon: JAMES KELLEHER’s Hysterical Mathematical Anomalies.