Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?

Piers Morgan

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?

Liam Gallagher

Favourite saying?

There's no such thing as a free lunch but there is such a thing as an eat all you can buffet (one of my own)

Favourite record?

Wow. That's a huge question. I really like Everyone says Hi by David Bowie and Nothing Ever Lasts Forever by Echo and the Bunnymen of the top of my head.

Favourite book?

Secret diary of Adrian Mole aged 13 and 3/4

Favourite film?

Back to the future

Favourite author?

Charles Bukowski

Favourite actor / actress?

Steve Buscemi

Favourite musician?

Paul McCartney

TV programme?

Really enjoying the American office at the moment but I do watch some real trash (I'm a celeb, Celeb Big Brother etc)

Favourite TV personality?

Used to love Johnny Vaughn on Big Breakfast and love him now on Radio X

Favourite item of clothing?

Love a pair of Vans

Most desirable date?

My wife

Favourite method of relaxation?

Golf

If you weren't pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?

I don't know that I'd have had much choice to be honest, my first job was at a bulb farm and people thought I had overachieved then

Biggest thrill?

California

Biggest disappointment?

The Uk Taco Bell (not a patch on the American ones)

Your concept of heaven?

A water park, beautiful sunny day, playing Hawkwind over really load speakers with Margritas on tap

Your concept of hell?

A non stop Toploader gig, where I can't leave (see also Muse, or Maroon 5)

What would be your dying words?

I am DEFINITELY not drinking tomorrow

Greatest ambition?

Be in a Hollywood movie, perform at the Royal Variety, Have Liam Gallagher dedicate a song to me on stage

Period of history you'd most like to have lived in and why?

This is a terrible answer and I know it but the 60s, I would have love to have been an original mod.

If you weren't a human being which animal would you have chosen to be?

Probably a bird for the travel

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?

I wouldn't be over the moon but I guess I'd try and see those I care about and get shitfaced

Your nominee for the world's best-dressed person?

Liam Gallagher (What do you mean I'm obsessed?)

Favourite term of abuse?

Weapon

Biggest fear?

Being buried alive, I won't get the tube for this reason

Humanity's most useful invention?

Tea bag

Humanity's most useless invention?

Social media

Paul McCaffrey will perform at Whelans' on Wednesday April 3
Tickets €20 Inc. booking fee on sale now from Ticketmaster