Who would be the last person you would invite to your birthday party?

My ma’s ex-husband who sent me off at my own 7th birthday party 5-a-side. Was never a foul, never mind a red.

Who would be the first person you would invite to your birthday party?

Anyone from Love/Hate. Huge fan!

Favourite saying?

“Sure you know yourself!” No idea what it means.

Favourite record?

‘Warm’ by Moncrieff is my most played song on Spotify.

Favourite book?

Joke books apparently. Every Christmas someone in the family genuinely buys me one. Total insult as a comedian.

Favourite film?

The Usual Suspects. Seen it a dozen times and somehow the end always surprises me.

Favourite author?

I’m reading my son’s books by Oliver Jeffers at the minute. Smashing.

Favourite actor/actress?

Daniel Day-Lewis is great at acting. He’ll be chuffed to read that!

Favourite musician?

At the minute I’m big on Taylor Swift’s new album.

Most embarrassing moment of your life?

Messing up Kevin Hart’s introduction at 3Arena. Despite this we remain close personal friends.

Favourite food/drink/stimulant?

I’m a thirsty bitch for a pot of strong tea.

TV programme?

Anything I’ve been in.

Favourite TV personality?

Ainsley Harriott. There’s mischief in those eyes and boy does he know it!

Favourite item of clothing?

I own some VERY sexy jackets.

Most desirable date?

My wife obviously. Or Ryan Tubridy.

Favourite method of relaxation?

I’m nearly always relaxed.

If you weren’t pursuing your present career, what other career might you have chosen?

Something within the same industry. Maybe the writing side.

Biggest thrill?

Downing a cup of tea backstage and walking out to a packed room to do stand-up.

Biggest disappointment?

When One Direction announced ‘a break’.

Your concept of heaven?

Good breakfast buffet and free WiFi.

Your concept of hell?

Long queues and country music.

Greatest ambition?

As horrible as it sounds, I am doing it. Performing all over the world is what I’ve always wanted to do. Every year I tell myself if this is as big as it gets, I can have no complaints.

Period of history you’d most like to have lived in and why?

I’m good with now. However if I did live in Ireland when the Vikings were invading, the last place I’d be is a monastery. God love those guys, they always got whacked first.

If you weren’t a human being, which animal would you have chosen to be?

I’m already Daddy Pig from Peppa Pig. Big clumsy eejit but my heart is in the right place!

If you were told that the world was ending tomorrow morning, how would you react/what would you do?

Forget. I have a head like a sieve, guys!

Your nominee for the world’s best-dressed person?

I’m not far off it and I mean that. But I do admire the wardrobe of Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Favourite term of abuse?

“Aye, you could rub your arse with a broken bottle and you wouldn’t get cut” - my granny when someone was bragging about something.

Biggest fear?

Forgetting my headphones and being alone with my thoughts.

Humanity’s most useful invention?

Pineapple.

Humanity’s most useless invention?

The bum bag.

• Shane Todd brings his Tea With Me podcast to the SSE Arena, Belfast on September 23, 2023.