MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2

Directed by John Woo. Starring Tom Cruise, Thandie Newton.

We can safely blame the original Mission Impossible for launching a million brain-dead blockbusters in its wake. The sequel has John Woo at the helm, and while it's as visually glossy as one could dare to hope, MI-2 is also as empty, vacuous and predictable as anything you'll ever see. With Tom Cruise preening around in a valiant attempt to hammer home his heterosexuality, the whole thing becomes very annoying very quickly.

The plot runs as follows: dastardly scuzzball and renegade Impossible Missions Force agent Sean Ambrose (Dougray Scott, hopelessly out of his depth) steals a deadly virus (named Chimera) and its antidote (known as Bellomorphon), with the intention of infecting the entire planet and then selling its inhabitants the cure. In steps heroic good-guy Ethan Hunt (Cruise), whose mission is to retrieve the stolen virus: he recruits Ambrose's ex (the utterly talentless Thandie Newton), and appropiates her affections for his good self, unbeknownst to the evil Ambrose, prompting a back-and-forth battle of wits between the pair, which is eventually resolved in thoroughly predictable fashion.

Intermittently, MI-2 manages to be a white-hot adrenalin rush of appreciable pace and power: the problem is that it's never sustained for long enough. A rip-roaring early scene – involving a high-speed car-chase and some stunning rock-climbing escapades – seems to hint at an action classic in the offing, but instead of keeping its foot on the accelerator, the film soon reverts to neutral mode, wasting almost an hour on the deathly-dull burgeoning romance between Cruise and Newton.

With the original MI's Cold War subtext removed, you're essentially dealing with a Bond movie, and one which only really bursts into life during the final half-hour, which provides a belated feast of breathless motorbike-chases and the like: Woo is thoroughly in his element handling the action sequences, but the rest of the film betrays few signs that it's been directed by the god-like genius responsible for Face/Off. Narrative and characterisation obviously take a back-seat throughout – and as annoying as Cruise's smug sneer occasionally becomes, he seems a positively superhuman acting talent in comparison to Scott and the wretched Newton.

For its final half-hour alone, MI-2 just about deserves to see the light of day, and as blockbusters go, it's by no means the worst atrocity you will ever lay eyes on. But its ridiculously convoluted plot, lacklustre script and lamentable acting serve to render it something well short of masterpiece status. Essential only for incurable action-adventure fan-boys.