Mary Harney goes on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, decides to phone a friend, but nobody answers… Now magazine becomes the first magazine to pay money for exclusive photos of celebrities funerals… Louis Walsh announces plans for his first genetically modified boyband which will be called either Westzone or Boylife… Shane MacGowan apologises for any offence caused by Ronan Keating’s version of ‘A Fairytale Of New York’…

Osama Bin Laden is spotted working in a car wash in Nebraska… Ron Wood agrees to contribute to the Give Blood Campaign to prove that you can, after all, get blood out of a Stone… Taxi business increases dramatically when Dublin cab drivers refuse to speak to their customers… American vice-president Dick Cheney is seen in public for the first time since September 11th…

Angela’s Ashes author Frank McCourt returns to Limerick to discover it has stopped raining… Weakest Link quizmistress Ann Robinson is appointed to head the latest Government tribunal investigating planning corruption in rural Ireland…

The Gardai are conducting a nationwide hunt for the gang who let the air out of the National Lottery balls…