Trad bands are still refusing to accept payment for gigs in Euros. A spokesman for PACE (Performers Against Currency Exchange) claims that if the punt was good enough for Carolan and Sean O Riada it should be good enough for us… A new MRBI survey shows that mobile phones can damage your @!*&^%$)+...

The Government claims that there are over twenty organised crime gangs operating in Ireland but denies that it’s one of them… A new survey shows that a majority of Irish people don’t believe surveys but nobody knows whether to believe the new survey or not…

Much excitement at the launch of Senator Donie Cassidy – The Musical… US President George Bush completes two coherent sentences in succession but doesn’t understand either of them… RTE decide to produce no more comedy programmes in case they become as popular as Bull Island…

Bill Clinton announces plan to run for the Irish presidency… Tony Fenton joins Today FM… Charlie Haughey admits under heavy interrogation that he remembers Ray Burke… Downhill All The Way, the new plan to alleviate Dublin’s traffic problems, has to aborted when Minister Mary O’Rourke is stuck in traffic on the way to the reception…