Eoghan Harris loses his temper… The British government are to introduce laboratory tests on animal rights protesters. ...The latest issue of VIP magazine comes out on time… American planes bomb starving thousands in Somalia…

Something Happens reform to record their best cover to date, ‘Middle-age Dirtbag’… Iarnrod Eireann’s new television campaign uses Elton John’s hit ‘This Train Don’t Stop There Anymore’… TV3 introduce a home-produced programme into their new schedule… A Government Minister charged with exceeding the speed limit claims he thought the signs needed to be converted into Euros…

Jack L is signed up to play the role of Aidan Walsh in a major Irish biopic… Gerry Adams is knighted in the Queen’s Birthday Honours List… Dunnes Stores introduce their new range of Van Morrison-size overcoats… Osama Bin Laden joins The Dubliners…

Food supplies are air-lifted to motorists stranded by traffic delays in the Glen Of The Downs… A band is disqualified from the hotpress/Bacardi Plugged competition for secretly using batteries… RTE Network 2 continuity announcers are to be encouraged to watch the programmes they introduce…