The Irish Music Board publishes a report recommending that another report be commissioned to look at why the report was necessary in the first place… Eoghan Harris loses his temper… Richard Branson sues God claiming breach of copyright over the use of the term “Virgin Birth”… Chris de Burgh inspires the Kurds to organise Jeff Aid to help his jailed friend Jeffrey Archer…

Although Eamon Dunphy has apologised to Mick McCarthy he is still refusing to make financial reparations… Wicklow suffers a major Tourism blow when it’s disclosed that Joe Jacobs has contracted foot in mouth disease… Sinéad O’Connor becomes a Native American squaw and changes her name to Big Chief Billy Two Rivers… British botanists breed a new tree that talks back to Prince Charles…

Delegates leaving the Fianna Fail Ard Fheis are required to wipe their feet on Foot And Mouth mats… The Pope tops the charts in a duet with Bono… Luka Bloom changes his name to Ulysses Finnegan… Donal Dinneen hasn’t spoken on his Today FM radio programme since February…

Sir Daniel O’Donnell invites the Queen to his Donegal home for tea…