Eoghan Harris loses his temper… A spokesman for Irish Skiing denies that the sport is going downhill… The Green Party announce plans to tackle the drugs problem at grass roots level…

After being dismissed as Fianna Fail leader, Bertie Ahern takes up a post giving lessons in Pidgin English to immigrants… Michael Ross is appointed the new Boxing Correspondent of The Sunday Times… Minister Mary O’Rourke announces details of the new Dublin-Rosslare ferry service…

Retailers report customers confused by the Red Bull “gives you wings” ad and mistaking it for a sanitary product… The guy down the chip shop who swore he was Elvis turns out to be Osama Bin Laden… Tony Blair is granted honorary US citizenship… Hundreds of people are reported to have become addicted to NiQuitin, the anti-smoking product… Following the example of the Dean Of Clonmacnoise, all Irish bishops now admit they do not believe in the basic tenets of Christianity and only got into the priesthood for the dresses and the free travel to Bangkok…

Cardinal Connell is outraged at not being invited to the launch of the new Podge And Rodge video. ...