Political commentators from all media rush round to The Dail after hearing rumours that Mildred Fox was going to say something… The Minister For Communications reports that the future of satellite broadcasting is very much up in the air… Iarnrod Eireann’s new Winter Schedule is short-listed for a major literary award in the fiction section…

A woman joins The Chieftains… The Government’s new Euthanasia Bill is dubbed “three strokes and your out” by the opposition… With the USA struggling to gain a foothold in Iraq, George Bush calls on Joe Jacob to form a committee. Unfortunately, Joe is confined to his bunker with the radio switched off…

Having lost his seat in the recent elections, Jackie Healy-Rea is put on display in Killarney tourist centre… Pat Kenny is still playing with the toys from last year’s Late Late toy show… John Waters now claims that most acts of domestic violence are committed by toddlers… Warners appoint their first ever Irish-born MD…

Joe Duffy is the victim of a hoax phone caller who claimed she was Marian Finucane… A statue of Joe Dolan is unveiled in Mullingar… The Richie Kavanagh amnesty results in thousands of his record being handed in at Garda stations all over the country…