Payback

LORD ALMIGHTY, exactly how boring was Payback? It's difficult to quantify. I could probably write a book about how boring it was, but it wouldn't be very interesting and it probably wouldn't sell too many copies.

A crime/conspiracy blockbuster thriller much among the lines of everything else Mel Gibson has done over the last few years, Payback does at least provide a helluva lot of action, but you'll be extremely hard-pressed to remember any of it afterwards, so laboured and predictable is its presentation and execution.

Unbelievably, the film was intended as a (loose) remake of John Boorman's 1967 thriller Point Blank. I won't insult the latter by presuming to draw comparisons. Gibbo - as slickly professional and stunningly dull as ever - plays a thief who has heisted $140,000 and is preparing to split the goods with his partner in crime (Gregg Henry) who, unbeknownst to Mel, is a double-crossing bastard with his sights firmly set on all the dosh. In practically the film's only enjoyable scene, Gibson is shot and left for dead by his unscrupulous mate, but being Mel, he survives and pledges to track down his nemesis and reclaim his riches.

It's the $70 million question: will he make it? Will we stay awake to find out? And can he at least hurry up and get it over with before the audience's collective arse becomes sore?

The only other remotely enjoyable scenes tend to deploy Deborah Kara Unger (of The Game and Crash fame) in supervamp mode, showcasing her limited but effective thespian skills as she runs the full range of emotions from semi-naked to only partly-naked. The fact that I even bothered to pay attention is a measure of how truly boring the rest of the movie was, but you've got to keep the mind engaged somehow.

Henry (a Brian de Palma regular) sinks practically without trace - in fact, I can barely remember what he looked like - while Gibson plumbs new depths, even by his own appalling standards. Every character in sight is a crooked, unscrupulous, psychotic, cold-blooded monster - and yet, there isn't a memorable one among them. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you give it a miss.