Planet of the Apes

Already assured of massive box-office revenue due to a potent combination of pre-release hype and this summer’s unparalleled scarcity of new releases, it comes as a considerable disappointment that the fantastically gifted helmsman Tim Burton has, with Planet Of The Apes, made what is probably his weakest film since the incoherent mess that was Batman Returns.

The plot’s a straightforward one: US astronaut Leo Davidson (Wahlberg) undertakes a risky mission only to lose contact with the rest of his crew, and to ultimately crash-land on a strange planet where apes have evolved to become the dominant species. Finding himself captured along with other ‘wild’ humans, he is rescued by the semi-aristocratic anti-vivisectionist ape Ari (Bonham-Carter). Together, Leo and Ari must lead a raggle-taggle bunch of escaped humans to the forbidden zone. However, the murderous General Thade (Roth) is determined to not only stop them, but to destroy them, and he and his vast troops are never far behind.

Officially a ‘reimagination’ (?) rather than a remake of the 1968 sci-fi classic, Burton’s Planet Of The Apes is a visually lush affair, in no small part thanks to Rick Baker’s groundbreaking use of make-up and Burton’s ever-reliable visual flair. Still, Burton’s big-studio big-money efforts have tende to fall into two vey distinct categories: masterpieces magnificently underscored by the director’s own mischievous wit (Mars Attacks) or bog-standard and infinitely less entertaining popcorn pics (the two Batmans).

Sadly but predictably, Planet of the Apes belongs firmly in the latter category, often playing like a very expensive ($100m) in-joke. As such, is humour relies heavily on any potential audience’s familiarity with the original film. How else could anyone alive derive amusement from Charlton Heston’s cameo as a dying ape condeming the human species with the words ‘Damn them all to hell’? Or, indeed, from Michael Clarke Duncan’s opening utterance as a gorilla commander ‘Take your stinking hands off me, you damned dirty human?’

In addition, many of the film’s components simply don’t work at all, particularly the heavily-signposted twist at the end, and the utterly misjudged (indeed, downright distasteful) quasi-love interest between Wahlberg’s astronaut and Bonham- Carter’s monkey. It may not be consummated on screen, but it’s uncomfortably replete with undertones of bestiality. Consequently, Planet of the Apes is a movie beset by problems and lacking any of the original’s charm.

There are a few endearing features here and there which render the film entirely watchable, and a man-versus-monkey battle line-up makes for Burton’s most convincing foray into action sequences to date. The sets, too, are generally impressive, and Wahlberg’s acting ‘style’ (a seamless marriage of the very wooden and the very hammy, frequently within the same sentence) undoubtedly qualifies him as the true spiritual heir to Charlton Heston, and all the more entertaining for it.

Clearly, this is not a masterpiece, but as summer blockbusters go, it at least beats Tomb Raider hands down.