Smoking panda and other tales from the advertising jungle

“Smoking pandas. That’s what I want to see in an advertisement.” Hmmm. Obviously the man before me is not big on ethics.

He’s an ads man and ads are everywhere. There really is no getting away from the feckers. Aside from on telly and radio, you see them on buses, beer mats and footballers’ bellies. They even sit in frames placed at eye level in pub toilets when we take a piss.

But ads don’t have by-lines. We never find out whom we have to thank for trying to flog us bog-roll while we have a tinkle. Well… meet Des Creedon - the 26 year-old award-winning ad creator that would take pleasure from seeing a big bear puff on a fag.

Having worked with the Dublin based McConnell’s advertising agency for the past two years, Des Creedon is the mind behind many of the advertisments that have fought for our attention. From ‘Don’t Jump’ slogans on bus rooftops (a Lottery promotion - it could be you) to erotic garlic sauce (the less said the better), Des has come up with hundreds of ads that have influenced us one way or another. He loves his job and insists it’s an art form. He also reckons his chosen profession could save Irish culture from becoming more Yankee than the Yankees themselves – but more on that later. First, the smoking panda thing…

“I think to combine both smoking and cruelty to animals in one ad would be a great achievement,” says Des, when asked if he allows ethics and morals get in the way of his creative process. Calm down all you animal rights people, it’s just his way of saying the creative side of the advertising industry is being choked by political correctness. He continues: “I would love to see a massive billboard with NUKE THE WHALES splashed across it. Obviously I don’t have much in the way of ethics myself but Ireland is far too politically correct. We’ve still got too many roots in Catholicism. We should have more fun.”

Fun’s fine, but surely there should there be a limit? People get offended and angry people won’t buy the product you are trying to sell them, unless of course it’s a big stick to beat you with. Creedon nods.

“I agree that there should be a limit. Personally I don’t like to see mums kissing babies bottoms to test them for dampness. However the bottom line, excuse the pun, is that I think the more toes you can tread on the better for an ad’s publicity. No such thing as bad publicity you know.”

Sadly for Des, a lot of the companies that ask him to come up with ads for their products are just as uptight as society in general. Des wants to grab our attention, but often he finds that his hands are tied.

“Entertainment is the number one most important factor in an ad,” he says. “If they make you laugh you’ll feel good about the product they are trying to sell. But sometimes the client won’t let you do what you really want to do… you have to play the game their way.”

So it’s not much surprise that a lot of what eventually makes it onto our TVs and radios is less like entertainment and more like drivel, which may be one reason the really good ones stand out. That, as Des would have it, is because good advertising is an art form.

“More money is spent on a 30 second ad per second of film than on any blockbuster movie that you will ever see,” he points out. “They are not just throwaway little things; they are art married with science. I suppose it’s the science bit that people have a problem with as they feel violated and indignant because we’ve tried to sell them something they probably don’t want.”

The science bit… sounds like a shampoo commercial. But what of the subliminal aspect? Are advertisers messing with our heads? Are we really that stupid?

“The subliminal messages to get people to buy a product is not so much an urban myth as an urban reality,” admits Des. “But it’s not all about a big mind-melt factory like you would see in The Simpsons, I don’t think that’s the case… or maybe it is.”

I’m confused.

Des explains: “Every company and brand will want to get in your face. They want you to notice them. On the subliminal side look at how sportswear companies have transformed normal punters into human advertisement boards. People wear tops with brand names and logos splashed all over them. Do they realise they are an advertisement? No. They think they are making a statement. But the only statement they are making is ‘Buy a top like this’. Then again, people are smart and should be intelligent enough to make up their own minds. We’re not playing mind games, but you have to stack the cards in your favour in whatever trade you are in.”

Another major aspect of an advertising campaign is music. Unsurprisingly this gets up the noses of music fans who have misgivings about their favourite tunes being used to sell them cars, clothes and coffee. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, Des Creedon thinks this opinion is rubbish.

“To people who say a band sells out when they sell a song to a commercial I say shove it down your pants,” he rants with a grin. “A band sells out once they sign up to any record deal. When they go on an ad they are just bringing their music to a wider audience. Advertisers cling to the cultural mood of the day, and music helps them so they are going to milk it. Why the hell not?”

Radiohead might disagree. What does Des think of the lads from Oxford? “Radiohead are just miserable. Their teenage angst thing is a bit stale. What age are they now? Grow up lads. I could only see their music being used on ads for The Samaritans anyway.”

Speaking of gloom, Des Creedon reckons that not only could good Irish advertising help us navigate our post-Tiger hangover, it could even help promote a real sense of a unique Irish identity. Sell it like it is, Des.

“Irish people are different from any other race but we’re losing the little things that set us apart. There is a massive dumbing down of culture going on that I don’t agree with and that’s where I think ads can actually help. Ads are all over the place. They define, shape and mirror our culture. If they reflected Ireland as a better place than it is, things could improve. They could influence people to buy into a better national mood.”

Hmmm… Selling Ireland to the Irish… Do you buy it?