SPEED (Directed by Jan De Bont. Starring Keanu Reeves, Dennis Hopper, Sandra Bullock, Jeff Daniels)

Speed comes rocketing out of America as the big action hit of the year: a high-adrenaline, low-brain cell thriller played out with such ludicrous conviction it could be subtitled Die Ham. Rehashing what is now the basic formula for action man movies (terrorists/gangsters take over interesting location, and only a lone hero stands between them and the death of many innocent hostages, including hero’s love interest) Speed is essentially Die Hard on a bus.

A bus! Now I would love to have been at the meeting where they pitched that idea: he was the wrong man at the wrong stop on the wrong route. Hold very tight please! A gang of drunken terrorists with a grudge against public transport seize the 31 from Howth and demand that the driver take them to Cuba. But they hadn’t reckoned on the fact that the bus conductor was a former member of the S.A.S., trained in covert operations. This time avoiding the fare could cost them their lives!

In fact, the plot is every bit as ridiculous as that: in LA, a mad bomber plants a device that will go off if the bus slows down below fifty miles per hour, then demands a hefty ransom from the city. In real life this plan would be fatally flawed for two very good reasons:

1. The only people who take the bus in LA are bums who can’t afford a car, not the kind of folk the city council are likely to worry about excessively. It would be a bit like a gang of terrorists taking over a dole office. In fact, setting the bomb off would probably be encouraged on the grounds that it could lead to social security savings.

2. Anyone who has ever driven on the freeway in LA will know that it would be a miracle if the bus could even get up to 50 miles per hour in the first place.

But, of course, we should never let a little thing like credibility get in the way of our enjoyment of a good movie, otherwise we’d all be stomping out of Disney’s The Lion King muttering, “That was ridiculous, everybody knows animals can’t talk.” The makers of Speed somehow manage to leap their bus right across the suspension bridge of belief. Charging through traffic lights, roadworks and, oh no, is that an unfinished section of road I see before me?, this is a movie that builds up to a high velocity and then simply refuses to halt, just in case any small-minded begrudgers want to get on at the next stop. I can safely say that Speed is amongst the greatest ever cinematic achievements involving a bus.

It helps that Dennis Hopper is the mad bomber, an actor capable of going so far over the top that if he looked down he would suffer from vertigo. The film’s big surprise is the casting of Keanu Reeves as (essentially) Bruce Willis. Keanu is one of the more curious talents in modern cinema. He is indisputably the most handsome young man in the known universe (official) but he is also amongst the most vacant, delivering all his lines (in all his movies) in a deadpan monotone accompanied by an expression of utter sincerity. Keanu is like a male model crossed with a loyal pet. These qualities have worked well when he is called on to play stupid (i.e., the Bill and Ted movies) but has made him seem equally brain dead in everything else. Despite the affection leading directors hold for his face, not even Bertolluci, Coppola or Gus Van Sant has been able to wring a drop of intelligence out of him.

But lo, with Speed, a new action hero is born. What Keanu lacks in thespian range he makes up for in sheer integrity, riding out a storm of action with the calm stoicism of a young Steve McQueen. It helps that the ebullient Sandra Bullock is given all the witty lines. Reeves is no wise-cracker, but his puppy dog qualities bring a curious romantic dimension to the whole experience: you never doubt for a moment that he will lay his life on the line to save his mistress.

Speed is, without a doubt, deeply, deeply silly. But its the ride of the year, and its all over quickly. In fact, they are already talking about making the sequel. You can never find a mad bomber when you need one, and then two come along at once!