Apparently S.W.A.T. was a short-lived 1970s cop-show which made a seismic contribution to Western civilisation by spawning a related disco hit. Those of you who missed out on this cultural zenith can rest easy, however, for the new movie version is unlikely to inspire pangs of nostalgic regret for this lost televisual opportunity.
Indeed, so unremarkable is S.W.A.T.’s central conceit – elite cop team use weapons with impunity on the streets of LA – that you wonder how anyone managed to single it out from the eternal identity parade of police dramas, let alone deem it worthy of big-screen treatment.
The plot sees a veteran S.W.A.T. sergeant (Sam Jackson) recruit a crack-team of edgy, hot up-and-coming acting talents, including Michelle Rodriguez as a hard-arsed single parent, L.L.Cool.J. as the streetwise one, and mainman Colin Farrell as the one-liner spouting upstart.
Together, this bunch exchange quips, bond over training exercises and offer up a romantic subplot. Mostly though, they get to grips with a dangerous first assignment which involves escorting reptilian, Eurotrash baddie Olivier Martinez to jail. Unfortunately, Martinez (who was last seen up to no good with Diane Lane in Unfaithful) is the kind of evil action-movie nemesis that spends his time off-screen rubbing his foreign hands together gleefully, laughing maniacally and fondling his Kraftwerk records (probably). Needless to say he has no intention of going quietly and instead goes live on TV promising a $100million reward to whichever gun-toting crazy can bust him out.
This opens up the possiblity of S.W.A.T. becoming It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad World with vigilantes and bounty hunters, but alas this option is forsaken in favour of tried and tested bangs and crashes, as the screenplay flits from one set-piece to another in a manner befitting a particularly promiscuous butterfly.
And that’s fine if you’re seeking an experience to out-bombast Bad Boys 2, but you have to think that everyone involved will make better movies than this one. That goes double for Sam Jackson.
S.W.A.T. is no classic then clearly, but if you’re seeking fast edits, gigantic helicopter crashes and gangland firefights look no further. Oh, and there’s plenty of action involving Colin in high spirits and a flak jacket, but I fear many of you would do just as well staying home and staring at your Colin altars for 117 minutes instead.