OMG! OMFG! It’s, like, Twilight. The. Best. Movie. Ever.
Forget Harry Potter. Farewell His Dark Materials. Right now, we ladies are all about Stephenie Meyer’s romantic teen vampire saga. The symptoms of Twilight Fever are easy to recognise. The legions of American middle-class mothers who have taken to dressing in black with their daughters for midnight screenings – Twilight Moms as Time Magazine is calling them – they’ve got Twilight Fever. Thirty-something commuters who keep missing their Dart stop on account of crucial chapters in Breaking Dawn; they, too, have also succumbed to this peculiar form of madness.
It is, frankly, nothing short of miraculous that the target teenage demographic weren’t squished by Bigger Girls during the frenzied $70 million opening weekend in the US.
This affliction is not merely confined to the X chromosome either. High-minded critics are not immune to the franchise’s charms. Just look at The New Yorker’s David Denby, who swooned in print for the film’s “blissful madness”. You can bet he’s got Twilight Fever.
These secretive older fans will, of course, tell you that it’s all just a lovely guilty pleasure, a blueberry swirl cheesecake in their brown-rice diet of Respectable Literature and Film. Certainly, there’s nothing terribly arch about the four books that make up Ms. Meyers’ saga – Twilight, Eclipse, New Moon, Breaking Dawn – tomes that consistently read like the literal transcription of a daydream bubble emanating from a 15-year-old Goth girl’s head as she stares out the classroom window. This does not, however, make Twilight any less delicious.
For those of you who have no idea what we’re talking about, Twilight, the novel, now A Major Picture, deals with the trials and tribulations of Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), an outsider teen who falls for dreamboat bloodsucker Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). He, being a sensitive brooding soul, is the hunky vamp equivalent of a vegetarian. Can he stick to hunting small animals or will Bella’s intoxicating scent overwhelm him? Can be protect her from the bigger, hungrier immortals?
The film arrives in our cinemas with far more street cred than older, similarly gendered rivals like Mamma Mia and Sex And The City. Catherine Hardwicke, the director of Thirteen and The Nativity Story, brings a keen sense for danger and hormonal urges to the material. Robert Pattinson, a pin-up among Potterites since his portrayal of Cedric Diggory, maintains a delicate balance between vulnerability and moody posturing. Best of all is Kristen Stewart, the remarkable young actress from Into The Wild, who manages to convince as an Everygirl despite striking good looks.
The primary themes of Ms. Meyer’s sequence – abstinence is sexy, true love waits – translate effortlessly onto the big screen where explicit carnal urges are, thanks to hardcore web-based competition, about as fashionable as the bubonic plague. Instead we are treated to warm-blooded, high-spirited puppy love and the most romantic night out since The Notebook.