CAO Countdown: "The CAO and college are ultimately not as important as looking after yourself."

If you're reading this piece hoping for some solace from someone who was "just as nervous about the CAO as you were and everything worked out fine", this isn't really that kind of an article.

Although the latter did come to pass, somehow, despite having what I now know was an anxiety disorder from the age of 11, the CAO didn't worry me too much during my Leaving Cert year (my working theory is that if you spend 90% of your time panicking on matters ranging from whether you're breathing too loudly to "there's a grand conspiracy where my family, friends and girlfriend all securely hate me", there isn't much room for CAO worries but everyone's different).

What I am writing to say is that like most things in life that are constantly driven home to be, The Most Important Thing In The World Right Now®, picking your college course and ultimately your future life at university does not matter as much as doing your best to make yourself healthy.

I thought I had a dream college course. In 2015, I started what was then called Music, Media and Performance Technology at the University of Limerick. It was great for the first months and a few sporadic moments after that. I made lifelong friends during my time there, but unfortunately, my mental health deteriorated to the worst depths it had ever been at before. It meant that I couldn't focus on work properly, and it ultimately led to me dropping out in second year.

During my time out of college, I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do with my life. Motivating myself to get out of bed took up nearly all of the space left in my brain for planning my future.

It took until the return of the suicidal thoughts that had plagued my early teenage years stemming from anxiety and depression before I could finally muster up the courage to tell my parents what was happening with me. Terrifying, but I would not be alive today if I hadn't have taken that first step.

Through weekly therapy and medication, I was eventually able to think clearly about what I wanted to do with my life. In case you weren't aware, you can't just apply on Indeed to be a rock star, so Journalism at DCU would have to suffice in the meantime (couldn't resist a plug). I jest, but journalism is another of my passions. Although I had minor hiccups mental health-wise during my second college experience, it was a hell of a lot easier having supports in place to actually to do a course I enjoyed so that I could get a job in an industry I wanted to work in.

This isn't a sermon on how therapy and medication are your only option when you're depressed and thanks to every Irish Government in the state's history, there are definitely not enough supports in place to support those with poor mental health in this country.

However, do whatever you can to put yourself in the best place mentally before you start college, even if it means just opening up to a friend or someone close as a start. It makes everything else a whole lot easier.