Shel Shock!

If the Reuters wires were not exactly humming all over Europe at the news of Shelbourne s astonishing, nay historic, first-leg victory over the aristocrats of FC Sloga Jugomagnat in Macedonia last week. Still, the result surprised those of us who give a shit or, indeed, are paid to give a shit about such things.

For a start, it soon became apparent that this was the first away win of any description by an Irish team in Europe since 1982, when a callow yet streetwise Shamrock Rovers team skippered by Pat Byrne travelled to the frozen wastes of Iceland and treated Fram Reykjavik to a good hard seeing-to.
It may be that this is merely a case of the worm finally turning. Up to now, the average Irish fan s thoughts on Macedonia contained nothing more appetising than images of bizarre sendings-off, stoppage-time headed equalisers, fits of apoplexy on the part of George Hamilton, and suchlike. We were, you could say, due something more edifying (if not exactly edible) to chew on.
Shels will hardly be progressing to the Champions League round-robin stage of this competition, and their lack of eminence in the greater scheme of things can be gauged by the fact that in the first-round draw, they were rubbing shoulders with luminaries like NK Brotnjo, Total Network Solutions FC (of whom more anon) and, bizarrely, the remnants of the once-proud Red Star Belgrade.
But assuming that they safely negotiated the home leg, which was played shortly after this publication was put to bed Shels can now look forward to a potentially money-spinning tie against Rosenborg of Norway. And Foul Play, against its better nature, will probably go along to see it.

Igenerally only go to see League of Ireland teams when they draw somebody half-interesting in Europe.
And in recent years, Foul Play s adherence to this course of action has seen him turn up, and pay in, to see such glamour ties as Bohemians v Dynamo Minsk (tripe), Bohs v Ferencvaros (entertaining), and St Patrick s Athletic v Celtic.
Predictably, this last occasion was memorable not for the quality of the football played, but for the sheer variety and inventive tastelessness of the, eh, songs being, eh, sung by the away fans.
Celtic s notoriously youthful and inebriated travelling supporters, whom I once heard belting out an exceedingly vile song about former Rangers winger Davie Cooper and his death from a brain haemorrhage, were on top form at Tolka Park that night, with surprisingly little recourse to the Wolfe Tones classics that usually make up much of their repertoire.
Perhaps, the famously tricky middle-eight of The Broad Black Brimmer Of The IRA would have been too much for some of them to handle after that fatal third pint.
No such problems are foreseen with regard to the away fans of Aberdeen, who will be gracing us with their presence next month as they visit Dalymount Park for a tricky UEFA Cup assignment against Bohemians.
In purely aesthetic terms, this will not be one for the faint-hearted. Bohs have rarely been synonymous with the concept of passing the opposition to death, while Aberdeen s unconventional defiance of traditional footballing concepts like attacking and defending is such that even Celtic scored twenty-five goals against them in their five clashes last season.
Indeed, the extent of the Dons decrepitude suggests that there has never been a better time for Bohs to strike a much-needed blow for the League of Ireland s less-than-lustrous reputation.
Will they prevail, against perhaps the poorest side ever to besmirch the Scottish premier division with their hopeless presence? Or will Aberdeen s probable superiority in terms of fitness carry the day? It will be a barrel of laughs finding out.

One name that did leap out at the untrained eye from the Champions League preliminary round draw was that of Total Network Solutions FC, a Welsh outfit who play in front of the proverbial five men and a dog at a tiny ground somewhere in the Rhondda Valley.
The club s owner, a computer tycoon, has recently been mired in a legal dispute with the European football authorities over what name he can call his team. UEFA, as is their pedantic wont, insisted on calling the club by their original name of Llansantffraid FC.
But, as ever, the barristers have won the day, and TNS will henceforth be referred to as Total Network Solutions FC in all official UEFA correspondence.
Given the unique cultural factors that modern-day Ireland could bring to bear on this scenario, one confidently looks forward to the Bord Gais premier division containing one or more clubs called after a brand of mobile phone, or perhaps managing to incorporate a dot com address into their names. Truly, we live in sick times.