The Maine attraction

Funniest moment of the season, so far: Newcastle’s travelling fans at Maine Road on Saturday, taunting the sell-out home crowd with a lusty cry of “Where were you when you were shit?”

This particular Newcastle United, of course, bears no relation whatsoever to the club that was pulling an average of around 10,500 fans for the last few home games just before Kevin Keegan took over in 1992.

And the punchline, of course, is that City’s fans, God love them, kept turning up through thick and thin even when the fare on offer consisted of midweek assignments against Macclesfield Town and Wycombe Wanderers, during their season in hell (otherwise known as Division 2) a few years back. They even got a 32,000 crowd for a game against Rotherham once, which must constitute some sort of world record.

Now, whisper it, Man City actually look like a half-decent team again. Though we must, of course, be careful about making such sweeping statements – particularly given that Kevin Horlock and Laurent Charvet are still lurking on the outer fringes of the squad.

Like virtually all United supporters, Foul Play enjoys taking gratuitous swipes at Man City. This is due to (a) my own small-minded tribalism, (b) the irredeemably shocking quality of City’s football over the past couple of decades and (c) the number of annoying characters on their books recently, such as Danny Tiatto, Eyal Berkovic, and, lest we forget, Alf Inge Haaland, whom John Giles described recently as “a relentless niggler and agitator… in all my years of watching and playing the game I have seen few more irritating players than Haaland.”

There are also the rather sad “we’re-more-authentic-than-you” tendencies of many City fans in relation to United. Before the last Manchester derby, the one where Keane cut Haaland in half, City supporters hired a small plane to fly over Old Trafford, trailing a banner that read “REAL CLUB, REAL SUPPORTERS”.

Fine words from supporters of a team that has won the league nearly as many times as Huddersfield Town, and hasn’t made it into Europe since Jefferson Starship were topping the charts.

Now, after more than a year of exposure to Kevin Keegan’s idiosyncrasies, City are still miles away from being viable challengers for a European place, but at least they now represent a fairly attractive visual proposition.

Watching them bombing forward against Newcastle on Saturday, Foul Play was reminded of Tommy Burns’ Celtic, another side that relied heavily on two speedy wingers and as many as four more attackers piling into the box for the crosses.

Most Premiership games feature two, maybe three players on the pitch capable of conjuring up some spontaneous voodoo and making things happen off the cuff. City v Newcastle had at least six or seven: Huckerby, Benarbia, Berkovic, Anelka, Wright-Phillips, Dyer, Solano, Lua-Lua.

It was great stuff to watch, even if the refinement occasionally didn’t match the ambition, with Darren Huckerby in particular winning the neutral vote with a series of slashing runs down the left flank.

Berkovic and Anelka both showed some lovely touches. There was also Ali Benarbia, a north African who would surely have had about 40 caps for France by now but for the presence of Zinedine Zidane. (As a result, he now has about 30 caps for Algeria.)

Benarbia was so good for City last season that Keegan responded by making him captain. Everything flowed through him, with his touch and skill creating some mesmeric approach play towards the Newcastle penalty area, particularly in the first half. Even at 34, he is a class act.

And then there was Schmeichel in goal, giving it one more lash in front of the fans who, in previous seasons, would sing a frankly unprintable song about why his nose was so red. Schmeichel saved City’s ass at least three times on Saturday, suggesting that his recent discarding by Aston Villa was yet another myopic blunder from Graham Taylor (the man who refused to give Steve Bruce a single England cap in the early 1990s).

We mustn’t forget Shaun Wright-Phillips, who linked really well with Anelka down the right. And when you take into account that Paulo Wanchope has yet to be added to the equation, ye gods, there are serious possibilities for alchemy.

So, a watchable Man City side at long last, after decades of trying. It looks as though this season’s Manc derby won’t need all the Keane/Haaland shite to make it a very interesting fixture indeed.