Californian hard rock bands can’t help but betray their geography and genealogy. No matter how overdriven the guitars, the choruses always pucker and pout and the lyrics plumb kitsch Valley Of The Dolls fantasies rather than Ellroy-esque dirty noir. Anthropomorphically speaking, they’re floppy-eared cocker spaniels who just wanna be adored as opposed to New York or Detroit pitbulls who’ll gladly take a double helping of hate and derision if there’s nothing else on offer.
LA young guns Tsar are the latest sweethearts masquerading as bad-asses. Don’t let the modish hairstyles fool you – 20 years ago this lot would’ve been poodle-headed pups snapping at the Crue’s coattails on the Strip. In classic Rodney Bingenheimer’s English Disco style, their serrated riffs are tempered with a well-honed bubblegum sensibility, the glitter and kohl employed to cover up callow youth rather than the ravages of age and decay.
Band-Girls-Money – nice to see a combo with their priorities straight – bristles with hygienic power pop tunes like ‘Wanna Get Dead’, ‘Startime’ and ‘Straight’. The points of reference are Cheap Trick, The Sweet (whose ‘You Can’t Always Want What You Get’ is covered here, replete with one of the most hackneyed guitar solos this side of Kiss) and the late, lamented Hanoi Rocks. There’s also a rather bizarre Poe-quoting alcopops metal anthem entitled ‘The Conquerer Worm’, and while it ain’t fit to lick the claws of Lou’s Raven, it’s a welcome change from tunes about mini-bars and tour buses.
Otherwise, the cumulative effect is like watching a bunch of teenagers enact rites of passage rebellion before capitulating to Mom and Pop’s ten year plan. Bless their little hearts. Me, I’ll stick with Self Destruction Blues.