VOTE EARLY and vote often! was the raucous clarion call several weeks ago when your super soaraway Hot Press ran the Hudson Blue Best Of Dublin Poll in order to establish all that is good about Dublin, the gleaming jewel in our nation’s crown. We wanted the best of the best, and thanks to our readers, that’s what we got . . . sort of.

The masses have spoken, the tally men have tallied, the returning officers have returned and here, courtesy of the finest ice cider known to humankind, we present an extensive overview of the results of The Hudson Blue Best Of Dublin Poll.

So, what makes the bustling thoroughfare of Dublin town tick? Not the Millennium Clock, it seems. According to Hot Press readers, the best thing that can be said about the beleaguered ‘Chime In The Slime’ relates to the fact that it can’t be seen. “Ní bheidh a leithéad arís ann,” remarked one patriotic and philosophical Galwegian with nary a hint of cynicism. Another, a Liffey-loving Dub, was simply relieved that “the damn thing is gone.”

Funnily enough, the aforementioned Tribesman cited the All Ireland Hurling Final as the Best Reason To Visit Dublin; an opinion which would suggest that, sadly, we won’t be seeing him in the big smoke for a while, unless, of course, he secretly supports a foreign county.

The GAA notwithstanding, the majority of those polled decided that – bouncers and doormen aside – Dublin’s night life and its people are the city’s most valuable assets. Not surprisingly, for the small number of readers who weren’t in thrall to the City by the Liffey, the two best reasons to give Dublin a wide berth centred around crime and the menace of air pollution . . .

Winter has set in and there’s a chill in the air, a fact which, it would appear, matters not a whit to the readers of this august organ. You wouldn’t think outdoor exercise would figure prominently on their list of priorities, but it does. A simply astounding volume of those polled decreed that “Under Miss Ireland” is by far and away the Best Location For Outdoor Sex in Dublin.

Our readers also proved they are a discerning bunch when it comes to entertainment with Quadraphonic (Kitchen) and Whelan’s (Saturday nights) coming up trumps in the Best Club stakes. Surprisingly impressive performers in the this category were the Kilmacud Crokes, while Shamrock Rovers FC and Padraig Harrington’s nine iron also received more than passing mention.

Whelan’s cropped up again in the Best Live Venue category, narrowly beating the Temple Bar Music Centre into submission. Elsewhere on the live scene Best Band gongs went to that inimitable outfit, The Ultra Montanes along with the jelly-legged one, Mundy, (who is, of course, from Offaly).

Of course if it’s good clean inexpensive fun you’re after, there’s plenty of free entertainment to be had in Dublin also, with waiting for buses and heckling members of Youth Defence being voted the most popular activities. The woman who is to be seen brandishing a crucifix around town was awarded Best Street Entertainer, while Dublin’s Best Walk would appear to be any which leads “to the pub.” Wise words indeed, from a very wise electorate.

One section of the Hudson Blue Poll was devoted to Dublin’s Services. Which are the tops? And why? Waterstones scooped the Best Bookshop award, but a special mention must go to Veritas, who received more than a smidgen of votes for their extensive ‘comedy’ section. Knickerbox emerged triumphantly from the Best Lingerie Retail Outlet category, despite very strong support for Secret Obsessions; is it any wonder with all those wonderbras?

The ‘Lost & Found’ at Kevin Street Garda Station was surprise victor in the Best Second Hand Shop award, proving that the Department of Justice isn’t totally inept, while an overwhelming majority of voters decided that the award for Best Taxi Rank should go . . . nowhere! “None, they’re all crap!” was the near unanimous cry of our pop-kids. Who are we to argue?

PoD proprietor John Reynolds may well be gutted with his dance emporiums defeat in the Best Club award, but he can seek solace in the fact that the good readers of Hot Press have decided that the Harcourt hotspot boasts the Best Toilets in Dublin.

Sinking a pint – of Hudson Blue no doubt – was deemed to be the Best Religious Service available in Dublin and, surveying the results the perplexed Hot Press staff couldn’t help but wonder where the Rathmines Folk Mass came in the pecking order. We’re still wondering.

The results of the Hudson Blue Best Of Dublin Poll, like many other polls – the General Election, for example – was, sadly, touched by flippancy. It is fair to say, that in this inaugural ice cider extravaganza, voters surpassed all expectations in the japery stakes . Television, along with the toilets in the Harp Bar were awarded the Best Place of Education statuette while that for Best Laundromat went to “Mummy’s.” Somewhat predictably, “someone else’s” is currently basking in the glory that comes with the coveted Best Parking Space award.

When the awards for Best Eats And Drinks were being doled out, the Hot Press readers removed their clown suits and engaged in some serious pencil-sucking. Tosca scored highest in the Best Restaurant poll, while Well Fed won the Best Vegetarian Restaurant handicap hurdle at a canter.

As far as hard liquor is concerned, Guinness and Hudson Blue came top of the Best Drink class, while Whelan’s of Wexford Street featured yet again in the Best Pub category, sharing the spoils with The Dockers, an early house which played a central role in last years Hot Press Christmas party itinerary. See you soon lads!

In matters of fish’n’chippery, voters took their time, deciding that, such was the importance of this particular category, they should behave like a bunch of monks and really mullet over. I’m not codding when I say they decided that Leo Burdocks was well worth spending a few squid in. The bould Burdocks skated in, fin-ishing in first plaice in the Best Chipper poll, while in the Best Butcher steaks, the spoils went to those exuberant – if not a tad artistically challenged – planners, surveyors and architects of Dublin Corporation.

And so, to what was, literally, the poll’s Blue Riband category. We asked you to select the Best Thing About Hudson Blue. You did.

The answer? It’s in the taste of course!