Madonna: “Bye Bye Baby” (Sire/Warner Bros)

No, not the old Bay City Rollers tune you’ll be pleased to hear although La Ciccone does manage to rip off a line from John Lydon’s last memorable piece of music when she declares straightaway before the song has even started , so to speak, that “This is not a love song.” Well, who would have thought it was?

Replete with voice-overs and simulated telephone calls I’m tempted to suggest that this infantile offering could be the great British public’s parting gift to their beloved Princess Di before she turns sideways and slips out of the crocked machinery of the grand old Empire.