Hot Press has conducted some strange interviews in its time, but opening a discussion with a colourful story about the state of your colonic health has got to rank as one of the, well, rankest.

That gong goes to Richard Archer, the hard staring, hard talking frontman with Staines’ other massive, Hard Fi.
The band are currently off conquering America and, as we speak, recovering from their first night in Austin, Texas, a town not renowned for its fibrous cuisine.
“We went out last night and ate waaaay too much ribs,” reveals Archer, unnecessarily. “All that red meat has left me feeling a bit sluggish this morning. We’ve been trying to get brown bread and All Bran for breakfast in some desperate attempt to install some goodness somewhere along the line.”
I suspect it’ll take more than a bowl of All Bran to sort them out. After all, this week of all weeks has been a “particularly crazy” one for the band, whose debut album, Stars Of CCTV has reached number one in the UK.
“It’s very strange, because it’s what you dream about – a number one record – but we’ve been in America. We’re only starting out here, back to stage one. So it’s almost like we didn’t get very excited about the number one thing,” reflects Archer.
The event wasn’t entirely unmarked though: “We had a bottle of champagne for breakfast when we found out. You’d think you’d be bouncing around the walls, but it was a little bit of an anticlimax though. We had to focus on the show that night. It was in Chicago, quite a big theatre.”
Ah, but of course. Hard Fi are nothing if not focussed and dedicated. Above all, they are intent on carving a niche in the mainstream music scene.
“You can’t focus on the glories and get distracted, or there won’t be any more glories,” he notes, wisely.
“My goal has always been to make music and play shows and not have to worry about going back on the dole or taking some terrible job that I hate. And the way to get there is to make great records and have great shows. And when you get fans, you respect them. You do not let them down. Even if you’d gone number one in the UK that morning, the people in Chicago don’t care. They’ve paid for a ticket, so you’d better be good, not drunk or whatever.”
Stick that in your pipe and toke it, Doherty.
It’s a tough attitude, but one that has garnered the kind of success nobody can argue with, including the cooler-than-thou indie scenesters who profess that commercial gain equates with not being cool anymore, no matter how much they may want to.
“I’ve never understood that attitude you get with some bands where they think it’s cool to not want to be successful,” he rants. “They make out that they’d rather be playing to 100 people and they look like they’ve got the same three haircuts all at once. I don’t believe them. It’s rubbish. They want to be successful, they’re just scared of it not working out. So many people will go, ‘You said you were gonna be huge, and now you’re not. Ha ha’. But I don’t give a shit about that. I don’t give a flying fuck about those sorts of people. They just bring you down. What’s the point?"
Maybe he’d give a shit if his band weren’t jet setting around the world and selling articulated lorry loads of records.
“Just over a year ago if you’d have told me all this would happen – number one album, top 10 singles, sold out tour...”, he trails off. “ There is one bit of a let down though, I was hoping there wouldn’t be so many early starts.”