New Kids On The Block declare themselves dollar millionaires – with the rider that 85% of their moolah comes not from various-format records or tours but from merchandising. 1990 closes the circuits in the globalisation of media, leaving music an incidental part of someone else’s promotion. Indie moptop combos come on like brats out of hell with video eye-candy of the highest order, trad-metal groups of Rock Poutllaws strike time-honoured pervy poses, the ephemeral succession of screamage idols with the sex-appeal of Zippy, Bungle & George continue – and, still, finding an original group sound on the chart is as rare as finding a sachet of shampoo without 10% extra free.

Movie tie-ins and TV ad-themes, plundering label back-catalogues for their 40-something recognition factor, dominate attention-spans. The past is ever with us – the Righteous Brothers, Bobby Vinton and Steve Miller band take out Top 3 block-bookings, the charts linking into a single huge monstrous Jive Bunny/Anniversary Waltz vomit of yester-you yester-me yester-days, while the best of the happening bands, Stone Roses, Charlatans, Inspiral Carpets, lacking such globalised tie-ins, scrape the lower ten.

And on ‘Juke Box Jury’ (sic0 I’m watching Dusty Springfield reviewing the new Donovan record! 1990 closes the generation circuits to a blurry nonsense. Even Rap – ten years old and running off at the mouth – is increasingly riff-theft sample-based. 808 State, ‘Hardcore Uproar’, Shamen and a precious few others come on as original as the Solar System by comparison.

But life still holds some sweet revenge; already New Kids – the most repulsively talentless louts since the Bay City Rollers – get themselves nuked by the Mutant Ninja Xmas Turkey merchandising campaign. Praise be the Nine Billion Names of God for that …