Shit always goes off in Dublin!”
Norman Cook is talking about both the all- killer, no-filler party set he has lined up for Forbidden Fruit-goers, and previous visits to the capital which haven’t always gone according to plan.
“My first time in Dublin was in 1986 or thereabouts with The Housemartins who actually broke up in the Blooms Hotel bar,” he reminisces none too fondly. “The catalyst was quite a lot of alcohol and a really disastrous TV show appearance where it became clear that none of us wanted to be in the same room as each other.”
So, Leopold Bloom isn’t the only person of major artistic import who’s gone on a bender in the Temple Bar drinkerie.
“If somebody wants to stick up a ‘The Housemartins told each other to ‘fuck off!’ here’ plaque, I’ll unveil it when I’m over,” their ex-bassist laughs.
If that sounds bad, things went really tits up when he came back with Freak Power, the acid-funk outfit Cook was a member of before morphing into Fatboy Slim.
“There was one time when we had to wait for the singer and percussionist to be bailed out of jail before we could do the show. It’s a big deal because if you get a conviction you can say ‘bye bye’ to getting into places like Australia, Japan and America which as a touring musician means you’re fucked.
“My first DJ-ing experience in Dublin was an AIDS benefit somewhere and afterwards the Edge took me to this drag bar, Mr. Pussy’s, where to get round the licensing laws they sold alcoholic milkshakes.”
Ah, the infamous and extremely intoxicating Pints of Pussy.
“Yeah, that’s them!” he grins mischievously. “I was singing ABBA songs – as you do – with Edge and Mr. Pussy when Van Morrison walked in and ordered a milkshake, which is one of the most surreal moments of my life.”
I hadn’t realised up till now that Norman is bezzies with U2.
“We’re more drinking partners, and let me tell you it takes a lot of drink before I sing ABBA songs in public with or without a member of U2 and a drag queen present.”
Asked what his Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny and Anni-Frid party-piece is, the 51-year-old pauses for a moment and then with great solemnity says: “’Dancing Queen’ if you’re jumping around and having a laugh and towards the end of the night when you want to tug at the ole’ heart-strings, ‘The Winner Takes It All’. When they started out the lyrics were a bit Eurovision but later on, when they were divorcing, it got really dark.”
Given how monstrously successful Fatboy Slim was when U2 were still going through their dance phase, I’m amazed he was never placed on remix duties.
“I was asked to do one at some point – and I was very flattered – but I didn’t think it was the right tune. Financially a very stupid decision on my part!”
Any other A-List hook-ups that went a-begging?
“I’ve tried so many times over the years to do something with Sly Stone. I’ve got as far as his brother who manages him, but he advised me not to work with him because he’s a loose cannon. When your brother/manager says that, you know you’re in trouble!”
Amongst myriad other talents, Cook is the Master of Thinly Disguising A Holiday as Work. A prime example being embarking last summer on a Brazilian club tour whilst the World Cup was on.
“Yeah, we’ve arranged gigs around me wanting to try a particular restaurant,” he chuckles. “I’ve done three World Cups now and learned that, if you can, avoid the England fans. Why it is I don’t know, but when the English lose they tend to get a bit stroppy, unlike the Irish who were my favourites in Japan. The locals were a bit paranoid about the hooligan thing, but the Irish showed them what to do and a couple of nights later they were dancing in the fountains with their shirts off too!
“Anyway, I managed to arrange it that I saw Spain get hammered by Holland; an England game which was truly awful, and Brazil beating Cameroon 4-1. Being in among the home fans as they won their group was quite emotional. In fairness to me, I do play in Brazil a lot so it wasn’t a complete jolly!”
Has his mate Alex James been on the blower crowing that it’s Bournemouth, AKA ‘That shower down the coast’, who got promoted to the Premier League rather than Norman’s beloved Brighton & Hove Albion?
“I didn’t know he was a Bournemouth fan... oh god, I’m never going to hear the last of it!”
He should also expect much James-ian boasting about the ‘Song 2’ woo-hoos being played at Dean Court every time the home side scores.
If I’m in London I’ll go and see Arsenal who come on to ‘Right Here Right Now’ and walk off to ‘Praise You’. ‘Right Here...’ has also been played at Man City and the Superbowl, so it gets around!”
At this point, I should thank Norman for the 6:53 album version of ‘The Rockafeller Skank’, which allows me to go to the toilet when I’m doing the occasional DJ gig.
“The rule there is that you have to be at the paperwork stage by the time it gets to the slowed-down bit, otherwise you’re in trouble.”
Advice that me and my bottom very much appreciate. When not DJ-ing or watching footie recently, Norman has been putting together a monster 58-track The Fatboy Slim Collection, which drops here on May 22.
“It’s everyone from myself, Groove Armada, Basement Jaxx and the Beastie Boys to Mory Kante, Tim Deluxe, Fedde Le Grand and Layo & Bushwacka; big bangers guaranteed to fill the floor.”
Describing himself as “a fan first, DJ/producer/whatever second”, Cook can pinpoint the moment when he realised there was more to musical life than skinny white boys with guitars.
“I was a punk rocker and went to see The Clash who had Grandmaster Flash supporting them,” he explains. “When I saw what he was doing, I was like, ‘Whoa, I want some of that!’ His tune, ‘The Adventures Of Grandmaster Flash On The Wheels Of Steel’, became a blueprint for how I wanted to make music. The way he started slow and worked up through the BPMs was a revelation; I became absolutely obsessed with him.”
There have been other DJ crushes since.
“The ultimate DJ’s DJ has to be Carl Cox. He’s respected by everyone because he’s technically brilliant; knows how to rock a crowd; looks like he’s having as much if not more fun than them and is such a nice, genuine guy. My current DJ crush is Diplo; another fantastic showman who somehow manages to be stupid and cool at the same time.
“The best fun I’ve had in the past two years, though, was at Glastonbury watching Despacio, which is basically James Murphy and 2ManyDJs building this enormous sound system. There’s no production apart from a mirror ball in the middle of the tent, which was heaving. They mess around with the EQs and turn things like The Beatles’ ‘Here Comes The Sun’ into massive dance tunes. The set’s seven hours long, but so good I went to see it two nights in a row.”
Finally, let us all doff our caps – metaphorical and real – to Mr. Cook for refusing an invitation to be one of the judges on Simon Cowell’s upcoming Ultimate DJ talent show.
“I’ve no problem with X Factor which exists in its own X Factor world, but don’t try and get involved in DJ-ing because you don’t understand how it works,” Norman concludes. “It’s not a snap judgement; you have to listen to a DJ for two hours to know if they’re any good. It’s probably the most ridiculous idea I’ve heard in a decade and sums up everything that’s wrong with the EDM approach to dance music. We don’t want all these wannabe DJs venturing onto cruise ships, and giving the rest of us a shitty fucking name.”