FIRST LISTEN: Madonna's MDNA

Girls Gone Wild

Kicking off with a solemn pseudoreligious intro (told you…) and a great whopping bass drop (again, told you!) 'Girl Gone Wild' boasts a pulsating techno beat that trumps anything else on MDNA. Sure, references to DJs, 808s and girls just wanting to have fun are far from groundbreaking, not to mention the earwormish 'Hey-ey-ey' refrain, but remember, Rihanna's changed chart history with much less.

A

Gang Bang

If writhing around a sweat-coated dance floor to a chorus of 'Bang Bang, shot you dead/Shot My lover in the head' doesn't particularly appeal, fear not; the perplexingly-titled 'Gang Bang' (no ganging or banging, just a lot of shooting) will probably not make it to single. Nancy Sinatra meets Lady Gaga on the sinister stomper; amidst a flurry of police sirens and swerving vehicles, Madonna presents an unsettlingly cold vocal against an equally industrial beat. The overblown, distorted interlude is intense, almost farcically so, but I imagine it's actually quite effective in getting those tail feathers shaken. Far more unappetising than I thought a song where Madonna repeatedly screams 'Drive, bitch' could be, 'Gang Bang' is as dramatic as anything she's ever come up with, which is an achievement in itself.

B

I'm Addicted

Some harsh, ping pong-ing electronics give this one a playful, chiptune feel; as Madonna croons 'I'm addicted to your love', her sentence spirals off into the dance pop ether, propelled by a mesh of spiraling techno beats (see Donna Summer, circa 1977). As the title suggests, this one's massively addictive and it gives the album its drug-themed title. Minus points for rhyming 'glove' with 'love'.

B -

Turn Up the Radio

Madge's saccharine delivery doesn't quite match the hardcore, Guetta-sized production on 'Turn Up The Radio', but a brief nod to old school euphoric dance on the bridge partly makes up the difference. This number features a finish so colossal, I have to wonder what she's saved for Track 12…

C -

Give Me All Your Luvin'

Two fearlessly gangsta cameos distract from the juvenile lyrics on 'Give Me All Your Luvin' (rhyming 'Madonna' with 'You wanna?' was hardly grueling work), taking the track from mind-numbingly predictable to vaguely enjoyable.

C +

Some Girls

Madge sounds distinctly Daft Punk on this one when she boldly declares; 'Some girls are not like me', before sinking into yet another heady dubstep dirge. A wildly disorienting piece of club pop.

D

Superstar

I was wondering when the bass was gonna drop out and the filler was going to kick in, and here it is; 'Superstar', a heartless nursery rhyme-come-edgy-floorfiller that MDNA really could have done without. I mean, is there a more lukewarm dedication than 'You can have the password to my phone'? Even the bonus points (for lumping Caesar, Abe Lincoln and John Travolta together in the lyrics) can't save this one.

F

I Don't Give A

Similar to the title track of 2002's American Life, 'I Don't Give A' is a somewhat tiresome declaration of how Madonna's life is actually really hard. Ironically, 'I Don't Give A' shows precisely the kind of creative plight Ms. Ciccone is so often faced with; this track will probably be less remarked upon for its nasty club beat than its insight into Madge's personal life. With lyrics like 'I tried to be a good girl/I tried to be your wife… I tried to become all that you expected of me/And if it was a failure/I Don't Give A…', you can see why...

C

I'm a Sinner

An unusual attempt at teaming walloping beats with psychedelic melodies, 'I'm A Sinner' earns Madonna top marks for trying to connect the old with the new. There's also a full-on prayer interlude, which fits in better than anyone could have guessed and which I can't wait to see play out on the Aviva stage. Now we just need a name for this new brand of religious club music… rosary-step?

C

Love Spent

Cue banjo. Cue strings. Cue bass. Cue synth. Sure, 'Love Spent' suggests a collaboration between Tiesto and Mumford and Sons, but the lyrics here aren't all bad, as Madonna accuses an unnamed suitor of only getting with her for her money ('Guess if I was your treasury/You'd have found the time to treasure me'). Sounds extreme, right? Wrong. 'Love Spent' is the single occasion on MDNA when Madonna's dramatics fail to impact.

D

Masterpiece

The token ballad we were all dreading, 'Masterpiece' is a woe-filled lament about how annoyingly gorgeous Madonna's boyfriend is. All of a sudden, I can't decide whether MDNA is a clever insight into the luxurious life of a superstar or 12 tracks of unintentional bragging.

D

Falling Free

Kicking off with some swooning strings, 'Falling Free' is an emotional ballad, not unlike what we've seen come out of trip hoppers Zero 7, which proves to be the biggest surprise on MDNA, as Madonna carries the whole thing off beautifully. After 40 minutes of headache-inducing, rump-shaping anthems, the album's climax is subtle and tasteful. Go figure.

B