I-beefa!!!” So good the Brits mispronounce it all the time. Welcome to the Med Mecca for lager louts, football hooligans, E heads, cheeky charlie snorters, dodgy geezers, Scouser scallies, mouthy Mancs, hard nuts from Nottingham, psychopathic Glaswegians, slappers from Southport et cetera et cetera… All human life is here. Ah yes, the inimitable charms of Ibiza, or Croydon with a better climate and later opening hours.

Not any more, if the few blissful days I spent there at the end of August 2002 were anything to go by. This season has been a far quieter and chilled affair than recent years. That is not to say that the party has stopped; on the contrary, it’s probably better than it has ever been since the pre-mid ’90s boom. All the package holiday hedonists have swapped the Balearics for Aiya Napa and Benidorm. Consequently, the island is full of beautiful people from all over Europe, harking back to the island’s cosmopolitan reputation from the ’60s and ’70s when it was considered to be the Mediterranean’s Paradise Island and the sun-drenched European playground for the rich and famous.
Ibiza Uncovered and the relentless barrage of tacky, topless slop that passes for television on Sky One has focused on only one small and diminishing aspect of the Ibizan experience. Most of these so-called documentaries were filmed around San Antonio – a seaside town that is home to most of the island’s cheesier clubs, bars and resorts for the stag and hen brigade. Our base for a lovely long weekend was the polar opposite of the puke-stained villa capital of San An: La Torre de Canigo in Ibiza’s gorgeous walled Old Town situated on a stunning hill. The tiny cobbled streets are uniquely Mediterranean in character and a navigational nightmare by foot or in a car. Any time we ordered a taxi the driver would complain about negotiating the perilously narrow streets. Then he’d take off at a speed more fitting for a dual carriageway, as we gulped and hoped that no traffic was coming the other way.
The Old Town is where the jet set and Hollywood A-list choose for their Balearic chill out. One of our party was sure they spotted Spanish-born stunner Penelope Cruz strolling down the hill. Musicians and singers like Ian Brown are known to frequent the area with their families, soaking up the sun and enjoying the local seafood. It’s a different world from the Ibiza we know and loathe on the goggle box, and it truly is heavenly.
The famous club Pacha is situated within walking distance of the Old Town. Opened in 1973, it is regarded as the original Ibiza club and one of the most glamorous nightspots in the world. Fashionistas, transvestites and local hipsters all rub shoulders to a sexy and slick selection of premium house music, expertly mixed and played by US duo Deep Dish on our first night on the White Island. Pacha is a phenomenal clubbing experience. Although the club has a capacity for over 5,000, it feels much smaller and more intimate because of its intricate and confusing layout, with numerous balconies and side rooms. While some of the UK nightspots have been hurting badly recently, such as the once mighty Cream, Pacha has gone from strength to strength by trading on its longstanding reputation for attracting the more sophisticated clubber. It is a popular hangout for DJs too; David Holmes and Jazzy M were spotted propping up the bar on the Friday we were there.
On Saturday night, we went from one clubbing extreme to the other – from Old Ibiza Town to the trashy superclubs of San Antonio. After the Lynx Extended Play Party with Holmer and the Stereo MCs we cabbed it to Eden for the Euphoria party with BBC Radio One dance jock Dave Pearce on the decks. It was appalling. It reminded me of Club 92 or Tamangos or any other suburban or rural monster club hell hole, only worse.
A trip to Ibiza isn’t complete without a long evening lingering by Cafe del Mar and the Savannah Beach Club in San Antonio to watch the sunset. The resident DJ selects a suitably soothing selection of chilled deep house, succulent soundtracks and early electronica topped off with the seductive sound of a live saxophonist. Fire jugglers and a creepy looking masked character add to the blissed out, deliciously lazy atmosphere.
For our last night in Paradise, we decided to check out the legendary ‘Sundays at Space’. It’s a hot one, with Sasha, John Digweed and Rui da Silva manning the DJ booths. Space is a breathtaking venue. It opens at 9am and thumps on well into the next morning, totalling a whopping 36 hours.
If you really love dance music, then a holiday in Ibiza is really something you should do sometime. If you’ve never been before, you’ll be surprised – as I was – at how gorgeous it is. It is still a great destination for an all round break – partying, sun bathing, swimming, sightseeing and just chilling. The slappers and beer boys are abandoning the Balearics in their droves, which means the rest of us can have an absolute blast. See you down
in Pacha! b

Eamon Sweeney travelled to Ibiza courtesy of Lynx Extended Play ’02. Thanks and a big Balearic shout out to all involved from Edelman PR, Lynx/Faberge, Direction JWT and all the other Irish media