In this day and age, there is simply no excuse for a pop record to be boring. Perhaps we have been so thoroughly spoiled by Beyoncé’s genius ‘Crazy In Love’, the hugely infectious Sugababes, the unervingly accomplished Justin Timberlake. It’s all very simple; edgy, ass-shakin’ urbana is in…sexless council estate pop is not.
Obviously the Scouse crumpets are trying to get back to their disco roots, but the whole operation backfires something horrendous. If we are talking fingers-on-pulses, the band are so far off the current pop Zeitgeist, frankly it’s embarrassing. Incidentally, it comes as no surprise that the girls are part of the Innocent Records stable, a factory that also counts the equally tiresome Blue among their charges.
The lead single ‘Be With You’ is wholly unmemorable, while ‘Ladies Night’ is a piss-poor offering that sounds like something the Spice Girls might have tried to pass off five years ago, as is…well, everything else on the record. ‘If You Come To Me’ is a pristine example of songwriting by numbers…one cannot help but wonder exactly how many minutes it took to come up with this nugget, or what happened to the postage stamp upon which it was penned. Christ, even the 15 song titles (‘Always Be My Baby’, ‘Don’t You Know’, ‘Loving You’) are knackered.
The inescapable fact remains; A Chronic Kitten are exclusively, and always will be, the preserve of school children who simply don’t know any better. Save your hard earned cash, children – alternatively, go buy the Earth Wind & Fire Best Of if you’re after the real deal.