Dear Al Gore,
I used to believe in your message about sustainable energy and the dangers of manmade global warning. But then you put The Police, Lenny Kravitz, Bon Jovi, Keane and James Blunt on one CD, and suddenly I couldn’t give a panda’s arse about the environment or even my own personal survival. The line-up here is practically an argument for the extinction of mankind. I mean, Keane? Even on their own they’re worse than global warming.
There’s the obvious point that this event was a ridiculous exercise in excess, used to preach environmental frugality. But like I said, I don’t care about the environment anymore.
Particularly since hearing Damien Rice and David Gray singing a weird version of ‘Que Sera Sera’. They’ve changed the words to make it “deep”. But it’s not deep at all Al. It’s stupid. It made me want to club seals. Even KT Tunstall, who I usually like, sounds like she has a cold. But how could she have a cold if the world’s getting warmer? It just doesn’t make sense.
So, now I’ve got my car running at all times, I have the fridge door open and all the lights on. I’ve started using products with CFCs in them to reopen the hole in the ozone layer. You know that cute little polar bear cub in Berlin? Well, I’m currently punching him in the face. So, you, Al Gore, might be doing your bit to stop global warming, but I have been moved to destroy the world that spawned Roger Waters. A second version of ‘Another Brick In The Wall’! What’s that all about? Well if the world gets a few degrees warmer we won’t have to hear a third. Come on global warming.