POPE JOHN PAUL II (The Philippines)

FOLLOWING HOT on the heels of his chart busting Rosary CD on the Veritas label and no doubt on the back of his recent best seller Crossing The Threshold of Hope, His Holiness Pope John Paul II dropped into the Philippines for a one-off comeback gig, much to the joy of his many fans around the world.

Despite the obvious interest, this much-hyped gig almost became a victim of its own PR machine. Death threats and excess ticket sales created a nervous ‘Will he, won’t he?’ tension of the Gay Byrne variety. When the concert was officially confirmed, the island, an unsound choice of venue, threatened to sink under the weight of the four million devoted fans who gathered to witness God’s representative on earth perform what may prove to be his last gig outside the ‘Rome turf’.

Perhaps a stunt, although probably a safety procedure, the artist formerly known as Karol Wojtyla, abandoned conventional travel methods, choosing instead to make his appearance on stage via helicopter. He emerged waving to his delighted followers, his mitre narrowly avoiding decimation in the still swirling rotary blades. Not unlike Jagger, Sinatra and Gary Glitter, age also seems to have ravaged His Holiness. He was assisted to the altar, still showing the effects of a broken leg sustained in a bathroom sliding incident.

However, one swing of the thurible proved he hadn’t lost it. These fans had been promised a vintage papal performance – they were not to be disappointed. The initial blessing over, J.P.II began to churn out the old favourites including ‘The Act Of Contrition’, ‘Gloria’ and ‘The Psalm Remains The Same’. The assembled mass (excuse the pun) was delirious with joy and ecstasy, despite the consumption of such substances being punishable by death in the Philippines.

This writer saw at least one man arise and walk from a stretcher which, like the man of the moment, was ferried in by chopper. A particularly meek chap was observed to wet himself in delight. One would think he had just come into a large inheritance. Who knows? Maybe he had.

Pope John Paul II stuck rigidly to the set which has seen him rise to the top of chosen profession. Many questioned the wisdom of this conservative decision. The risk was compounded by the outdoor venue which did not lend itself to the elaborate light shows for which he is renowned. The absence of tongues of fire and the bizarre decision to stage the gig on a Sunday morning did not deter the four million-strong ‘flock’ who had amassed (whoops) to lie prostrate at the Papal feet. This was one crowd which was not going to leave at communion.

Backing vocals were provided by the usual motley crew of Cardinals, Monsignors and Bishops, most of whom had seen better days. Indeed, several made His Holiness look quite sprightly. However, the rendition of ‘The Consecration’ showed who was boss and not even the vibrant performance of Monsignor Fingers Foley on Church organ could come within an ass’ roar of the virtuoso Papal performance. What the gig lacked in energy it more than made up for in nostalgia.

Four million punters can’t be wrong – this was vintage Vatican.

• Barry Glendenning