A visit to South By SouthWest would feel incomplete if you didn't, at least once, stumble upon people fucking in a public place.

Much like the rampant reports from the Olympic Village of sex crazed athletes spraying sperm and squirting in every available shower stall, SXSW is no different.

Although, unlike the Olympic Council, who handed out nearly half a million condoms to the 2016, Rio De Janeiro participants, to the best of my knowledge, the South By organisers don’t give complimentary condoms in their welcoming gift bags to the 2,000 plus musical acts performing. Not that that has bearing on activities.

When all you want is to empty your bladder of that cheap, warm beer, and you’re crammed beside two people shagging in a dive bar toilet, that’s no wider than a Japanese capsule hotel, things can get uncomfortably complicated.

The stakes are raised when the bathroom’s one stall has no door. The space between the stall and the only urinal are so confined that, if you were to take a step back, or, reach out your hand too far while stretching, things could quickly take an unforeseen turn.

Even one of those saloon, half-doors, with a glory hole, would at least make joining the action optional.

Now is the time to put all your Twister mat skills to the test. Right foot sidesteps yellow piss soaked puddle. Left hand avoids green vomit covered sink. And I don’t need to explain what the consequences are, if you don’t avoid the brown circle.

Hop, skip and a jump, and you’re in the clear of those thirsty, tumescent twenty-somethings....... until next time.

TOUTS #SXSW pic.twitter.com/oa8TxkXm3s

— Ed Murphy (@rockinfoed) March 14, 2018

In less than 18 months Touts have evolved as performers.

For their first show in the Republic in October 2016, a certain level of shyness would have been expected. They were never shy. Their Dublin debut was brash and raucous. Their only hindrance was a shortage of self-penned songs.

In the intervening months, this issue has been eradicated. Two EPs later, the Derry three-piece have created a substantial clamber around their name.

This enthusiasm is mirrored by the band’s busy SXSW schedule. Not that the lads are letting all this attention go to their heads. “Catch us........I don’t even know when our next gig is. Oh, we are playing here, again, this week”, said frontman Matthew uncertainly.

Touts’ 1am ‘BBC Introducing’ showcase featured a more polished group. The tunes, ‘Go Fuck Yourself’, ‘Political People’, and ‘Bombscare’, highlight their growing songwriting finesse.

The chemistry between guitarist Matt, and Bassist Luke, is infectious. Indeed, one ‘merry’, middle-aged, wee-man at the front of the stage, took it upon himself to steal the group’s setlist halfway through the concert. Touts seemed amused by the audacious theft. Particularly when the little fella ripped the paper in half in the process of yanking it from in front of Luke’s feet. Who wants a setlist on a tattered A4 page? Not wee-man, who boldly grabbed for the remaining piece of paper with the handwritten setlist at Matt’s feet. “We need that one pal so we know what songs we are playing,” said the bassist laughing.

Touts handle any inconvenience in their stride. Whether it’s the Texas humidity, broken guitar pedals before their debut Austin show, or an Artful Dodger looking to swipe anything in his eye line.

Do yourself a favour. GO FUCKING WATCH TOUTS!!!

Wee-man & TOUTS #SXSW pic.twitter.com/LUrtIIV2ZL

— Ed Murphy (@rockinfoed) March 14, 2018