Now I’ve gotta cousin called Kevin and – because he was a nascent Springfield Road Mod, who enjoyed hegemony over the family record player, and, because, through that, he gave the six-year-old me a serious grounding in Dexy’s, The Jam, The Specials, The Stiffs and The ‘Tones – he is sure to go to Heaven.
You’d never guess it now, but when I was a kid, I’d seriously great taste in music.
‘Geno’, ‘Funeral Pyre’, ‘A Message To Rudi’, ‘Suspect Device’ and (sigh) ‘Mars Bar’? It’s been down-hill ever since.
Confronting head-on the realisation that most people treat charity records with the same enthusiasm as the approach of a clip-board welding Chugger, Save The Children have hit upon a rather novel ruse for this spangly curate’s egg of a record.
Presided over by Belle and Sebastian, the intention is to gather together some of the more sensitive left-field musicians, and ask them to come up with a tune that will get everyone in the car singing along during the school run.
The contributors seem particularly apt. B&S have always got on like the best school band in Britain, Jonathan Richman has made a career aping the delivery of a sixth form wastrel, and Neil Hannon has never quite cast off (or, indeed, appeared to want to cast off) the air of the class swot.
Let’s start off with the assumption that kids will probably dislike this record immensely. Franz Ferdinand’s ‘Jackie Jackson’ is the work of people who not only never seem to have ever spent time in a child’s company, it’s doubtful they were ever children themselves. Likewise, Girls Aloud and The Sugababes can rest easy knowing their dominion will remain unthreatened by The Divine Comedy and Belle and Sebastian’s pre-teen onslaught.
The best tunes are those with a gaze trained above the youngsters’ heads. Richman’s ode to his dying dog ‘Our Dog Is Getting Older Now’, is a menacing, off-kilter treat. Similarly Half Man Half Biscuit’s ‘David Wainwright’s Feet’ is a marvellous ditty entreating kids to always do what their nans tell them. The Kooks’ ‘The King and I’ is step-back-in-amazement good.
So, patchy – but probably deserving a smiley face and big red tick for effort.
seven/ten