William: Believe me, it's the gay genetic makeup; if we didn't try to blow relationships with hard sex meets we would be trying other tricks.

Bootboy: To blow relationships? Do you think we are inherently more inclined to choose the easier option with regard to relationships, i.e. constant casual sex, as opposed to working out a real long-term relationship?

W: It seems to me to be a bit of a flaw for gay people. Most long relationships work because of latent agreements. Possible reason: no bonding commitments, eg marriage, children, law etc.

B: Yes, but that's not enough of a reason.

W: Isn't it? Perhaps you are looking for too dramatic a reason.

B: Not dramatic. I just don't buy it; I've been too miserable in my time, and I've met too many miserable gay men in my time, to put it all down to external influences alone.

W: Perhaps it is no different to the reasons why left-handed people die on average ten years younger, are more likely to commit suicide, more likely to be depressed, make up 40% of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra.

B: Perhaps you're right; but there's an interesting theory about left-handed people, which is that they spend their lives mourning for an identical twin who didn't make it to full term in the womb.

W: Interesting and idealistic - I'm left-handed and hadn't given it any thought.

B: If you accept this theory, and I'm not saying I do, those traits speak more about the psychology of grief than simply being a mere statistical anomaly.

W: Basically put, sex is an act of pleasure indulged in by one or more persons . . . the gay debate will go on forever, and the only thing ever likely to solve the debate will be cloning Flossie the gay sheep.

B: Because I see sex in emotional terms, I don't put it on the same level as commodities. That's what's wrong with gay culture.

W: Perhaps sex needs to be no more than a commodity to us, it doesn't enforce marriage, continue family lines. Basically if it isn't natural for sex to feel anything other than "hormonal" and "instantaneous" to us.

B: But I know what making love is like; and that is as far removed from commodified sex as you can get. (. . . I'm still mulling over the shock value of "Basically if it isn't natural for sex to feel anything other than 'hormonal' and 'instantaneous' to us".)

W: We all feel that "this is love" feeling, but how long does it last? Not long, and why, because we are all taught that love should last, in an ideal heterosexual world, and then we realise that it doesn't have to be that way.

B: I can't believe that love is solely a heterosexual prerogative.

W: If you are gay, then love to you will be short-lived and overshadowed by a sense of "adventure".

B: But to me, the real adventure is to explore another person! Gay men seem to shy away from that all too often; it's too painful, we recognise the narcissistic wounds as mirroring our own, and we'd rather sing another torch song and go down on the next man we meet than really get to know someone else.

W: Sure, but it all depends on the speed of your adventure. It is a natural craving for us to obtain information, but it can only hold charm for so long.

B: But there's more to relationships than charm! People are constantly changing! Relationships constantly change, if you allow them to.

W: You misunderstand, there is charm in finding out about someone . . . people don't though, the slightest change is seen as a more fundamental weakness, i.e. problems developing.

B: I find that sad. OK, bottom line here . . . my parents have been together through 35 years of marriage, through good and bad times. Yes, they stayed together through the bad times because of the kids and societal pressures; but they are now reaping the rewards of that, the company they share, the fun they have, the support they give to each other as they grow older.

W: I understand, but as you said they stayed together because of the pressures etc. And you will have to accept that it may never happen for you.

B: But can't we learn from their generation in some measure? I am hoping to learn from it myself. But I am accepting that it may never happen for me; and I'm feeling easier in myself for that reason.

W: Then I am glad. But don't ever feel that you will be alone, although it won't be the same as a heterosexual set-up; gay men die with lots of friends around them.

B: I know that, but a partnership is something else altogether, and is something I would choose, if someone interesting came along, if that is what both of us wanted. I know you can't control it.

W: You may strike it lucky, but don't force it to happen. Enjoy life and make every use of what falls into your hands. The view I have portrayed was perhaps a little cold, but I cannot say that I haven't had my mourning moments where I wished things could be different for gay men. Over the next few years, as gay relationships become more open and accepted, they will, I hope, take a foothold.

B: Your assessment of other gay men is so clear and objective; but do you not mourn for yourself?

W: Yes, I mourn! I deserve to find someone I love, can cherish for ever, but I mourn because that is what I see going on around me all the time.