Father's day

A recent 14-day hunger strike by a Dublin father over the withdrawal of legal access to his children has highlighted the problems faced by people in the family courts, particularly the problems faced by men, who are usually the ones to lose property and child custody when they break up with their partners.

Family courts consist of one judge and no jury. Solicitors make the cases for separating partners and the judge decides on these. An ‘in camera’ rule means that what goes on in the family courts must not be discussed in public, effectively keeping media reportage and analysis to a minimum.

When Frank Kelly split up with the mother of their two daughters he spent six months waiting for the custody case to come up. Eventually he was granted joint custody of his children and access to them two days a week and every second weekend. However, this access was withdrawn when Kelly’s ex-partner brought him to the family court again, telling the judge that he’d taken their children to the pub. Kelly maintained that he brought them to the pub for their dinner in the afternoon while he watched a match. As well as withdrawing access, however, the judge ruled that Kelly would not be allowed to attend his daughter’s First Holy Communion.

“I could’ve appealed it,” says Kelly, “but the Holy Communion was in a couple of weeks so there wasn’t time. The only thing that was left open was to go on hunger-strike.” In protest, Kelly stopped eating and slept in a sleeping bag outside the family court in Dublin’s Temple Bar.

Kelly’s family became seriously worried about his health. Eventually his brother drew up an agreement which he brought to Kelly’s ex-partner, and she endorsed it. “We went back to the judge saying we both accepted what was on the paper between us,” says Kelly, “and that meant that I could bring the kids to the pub for lunch if I wanted to and I could go to the Holy Communion as well.”

During Kelly’s ongoing ordeal he’s received the support of Unmarried Fathers of Ireland, an organisation set up in Tallaght seven years ago by a mixed-gender group that included Ray Kelly (unrelated to Frank).

“There’s a need for another ten groups like this,” says Ray, who’s also had bad experiences in the family court. “Look at your worst nightmare, multiply it, then treble that. And if you don’t qualify for free legal aid it costs you thousands. A lot of times you make an application and it takes you three to four months before you get a hearing, then it goes in front of a judge who has no training in family therapy. But he or she tells you what you have to do and you have to do it. It could be the mother who loses the children or it could be the father, but most of the time it’s the father who’s losing out.”

UFI is campaigning to have family court hearings preceded by a mediation process. “Basically what we need is three people – a family therapist, a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and a social worker. Those people should have to swear allegiance to the children; they should have to make sure that mother and father are not the issue, but whatever is best for the children. Then if people are upset, these professionals can refer them to where they can get help. The professionals are the ones who should evaluate a situation, and then the parents should go to court with their assessment. Then we’d only need one family law judge in Ireland, who would follow the recommendations coming from mediation.”

Ray Kelly notes that in Ireland, suicide rates among men are alarmingly high, nearly four times higher than that of women, and believes that this figure is linked to the lack of men’s rights in family law. The UFI organisation is working hard to remedy this inequality, and to offer the support that men need.

“If it wasn’t for the support group I was really thinking about committing suicide,” says Frank Kelly. “My partner who I loved walked out and took the kids away from me, and then the corporation wanted to take the house away from me and I lost my job. If it wasn’t for the ‘in camera’ rule there’d be murder over half the things that go on in those courts. Without Ray Kelly and the support group I would’ve been lost, because I wouldn’t have known what to do, I wouldn’t have known what to be asking for.”

“We say, look,” says Ray Kelly, “we know the hardship and the shit you’re going through because there’s 20 or 30 people here going through the same thing as well. So it’s buck up, let’s start working, and let’s starting acting back. Then men can get the self-confidence and the encouragement to fight for their rights.”