THERE IS an unofficial but effective formula for gauging the seriousness of your average GAA rumpus: multiply the sum total of teeth lost in off-the-ball incidents during a particular game by the number of match officials who end up locked in the boot of a car afterwards and divide your answer by the volume of horseshit spoken by Clare manager Ger Loughnane to date this year. If the number you are left with is one or under, then you have been privy to little more than a squabble. More than one? Now that’s controversy.

Thanks largely to Ger Loughnane’s propensity for behaving like a blustering buffoon at every available opportunity, the 1998 All-Ireland senior hurling championship has endured a myriad of vastly entertaining squabbles, but precious little serious controversy. In a way, it’s been beneficial for the GAA, as the national press’ ravenous appetite for quotable quotes from both the Offaly and Clare camps has ensured that the sub-standard quality of quite a few on-the-pitch tussles witnessed thus far has been largely overlooked.

In recent years, hurling has enjoyed a renaissance, with the emergence of previously inferior teams such as Clare, Wexford and Waterford, and the subsequent increase in the number of thrilling encounters, going some way towards ensuring that the game has enjoyed unprecedented popularity.

This year, however, the quality of fare on offer has been noticeably poorer. A farcical Leinster championship culminated with a weak Kilkenny side easily trouncing an Offaly team who, bizarrely, appeared to have little or no interest in beating their arch-rivals. In the aftermath of the game, Offaly were publicly criticised by their manager Michael “Babs” Keating, to such an extent that veteran midfielder Johnny Pilkington felt obliged to retaliate in a newspaper interview the following day. As a result, Keating offered his resignation to the Offaly County Board and it was accepted.

In Munster, there have also been shenanigans aplenty. An inspired Waterford team held All-Ireland Champions Clare to a draw in the Munster Final and opinion was divided as to how the replay would pan out: Waterford were certain they would triumph, while everyone else with half a brain knew that Clare would emerge victorious. Few could have predicted, however, precisely what would eventually happen.

From the throw-in, over enthusiastic Clare midfielder Colin Lynch got stuck in and, using his hurley as a scythe, he pulled repeatedly, appearing to strike both opposition midfielders and his own team-mate, Ollie Baker, in his attempts to win the ball. Shortly afterwards, Clare full back Brian Lohan and Waterford’s Michael White became embroiled in a bout of fisticuffs and both were shown the line. Although nobody was seriously hurt in either incident, the ensuing fall-out was spectacular.

Clare won the replay easily, but sportswriters nationwide shook their heads dolefully as they set about grossly exaggerating hurling’s apparent descent into anarchy and heavily criticised Clare boss Ger Loughnane’s win-at-all-costs managerial tactics.

THRILLING ENCOUNTER

Loughnane, it must be said has never enjoyed much popularity in media circles, due to his penchant for grassy knoll conspiracy theories and his unsporting habit of selecting “dummy” teams, which are then changed shortly before the throw in.

Meanwhile, thanks to the experimental “back door” rule, which affords the beaten finalists in both Munster and Leinster the opportunity to re-enter the All-Ireland at the quarter final stage, both Waterford and Offaly were given a second bite of the cherry. In an insipid Croke Park double header, Offaly had little trouble overcoming a steadily improving but infinitely inferior Antrim side while Waterford decimated an astonishingly awful Galway team. The stage was set for two potentially excellent semi-finals: Offaly V Clare and Waterford V Kilkenny.

The build-up to the first of these encounters was extraordinary and has been well chronicled. Brian Lohan received a one month ban for his sending off in the Munster final, a suspension which ruled him out of the semi-final against Offaly. In bizarre circumstances, Colin Lynch received a three month ban, which many consider unfair. Nevertheless, it was a suspension he had little chance of avoiding, following his ebullient manager’s – now infamous – outburst on Clare FM earlier that week. For his troubles, Loughnane received a one match touchline ban for incursions onto the pitch during the Munster final.

In Offaly, few gave their team any chance of beating Clare. The national press had written them off as a shower of lazy, under-achieving slackers and on the morning of the semi-final, their erstwhile manager, “Babs”, got in a few last minute digs at his former charges in his Sunday Times column. Pete Finnerty, an analyst on The Sunday Game and former Galway hurler who should really know better, wrote in the Sunday Independent that it would be in Offaly’s best interests to “call in sick”. Such comments angered many Offaly players.

Despite the fact that none of the Clare hurlers had actually done anything seriously wrong, by 3.30pm on the afternoon of the first All Ireland semi-final, there was hardly a man, woman, child or beast in Ireland – with the exception of those who hail from within the borders of the Banner County – who didn’t want to see them well and truly beaten. It was a remarkable turnaround from the historic day in 1995 when the entire country cheered raucously as underdogs Clare deposed the then champions Offaly, in an enthralling All-Ireland final.

A thrilling encounter (with a minimal amount of foul play) in the sweltering cauldron of Croke Park resulted in a draw, 1-13 apiece – following which it will be interesting to see how many alleged experts are as eager to dismiss Offaly in the days preceding this Saturday’s replay.

In the other comparatively low-key fixture, Kilkenny narrowly overcame a spirited Waterford team, who blew their chance of glory with a sloppy series of missed chances in the third quarter. Kilkenny’s victory was unremarkable, however, and while they could be forgiven for being rusty after a long sabbatical in the aftermath of the Leinster final, whoever emerges victorious from the other semi-final should comfortably win this year’s All-Ireland title.

It’s fair to say, then, that Liam McCarthy’s coming home. The Offaly team, which promised so much in the early ‘90s, is about to deliver its second All-Ireland in five years. At handsome odds of 6/1, sure you’d be mad not to back them. You read it here first!