Our Friends In The North

This past month has witnessed a slow, steady climb towards hysteria and disillusionment. It may even go deeper. Some now say that the whole process has been characterised by a lack of faith and trust.
This is not a personal criticism. I have no doubt that the people who did the negotiating were entirely sincere. But they were expected to deliver a range of external forces as well as themselves. And it is these more extreme and militaristic groups who may have acted in bad faith.
Did the IRA ever intend to decommission? I doubt it. And did the IRA suggest that it might? Who knows?
Actually, I don t think it did, but what would I know? Instinctively, I d guess that the IRA s line was that they would hold their ceasefire, and the arms would slowly rust away. They d disappear over the generations, just like they did in Ireland two generations ago. In other words, they wouldn t have a formal decommissioning ceremony. It would just gradually happen.
Well, that s not what the unionists want. True to their northern heritage, they want certainty and they want procedures. They want clarity. Now where have I heard that before?
This is the mutual incompatibility of two modes of thought. No, two modes of being. One is flexible, informal, solution-oriented. The other is inflexible, dogmatic, formal and principle-driven, even at the expense of solutions. This might seem like semantics but, believe me, it s not.
The whole philosophy in Ireland (sometimes called the Republic) is based on getting a result. What are we trying to do and how can we do it? We want the guns silent? Okay what do we do?
As Albert Reynolds might say, we would talk to the Devil if it helped shut down the war. But the unionist philosophy is different. More stubborn, more explicit, less ambiguous, they want a shovel called a shovel. And they wouldn t talk to the Devil for any reason at all.
It won t be easy to bring these groups together. There has been some level of bad faith. Or so it is perceived. And some elements in the IRA and the Ulster Unionist Party didn t want a peace process in the first place and were quite happy to see it go the way of all flesh.
Keep a close eye on developments. It s down to the serious shit now. George Mitchell isn t coming back. There s no more magic, no more clever compromises. The two sides have to actually work it out for themselves. Brass tacks at last. And that may be no bad thing.
Meanwhile, the bould John Bull O Donoghue continues to erode civil liberties and build up Garda powers. This is not good. As widely reported, his new Bill will extend the present restriction on a suspect s right to silence. It will also increase Garda powers of arrest and lengthen detention periods for serious criminal offences.
One is not opposed to this for the sake of argument. Indeed, one can assume that most Gardai would not abuse the extra powers. But we have had so many examples of abused power in this country over the last decade that we should think long and hard before adding to the already substantial Garda powers.
In particular, the proposal whereby the police could themselves issue search warrants in exceptional circumstances must be resisted, as anyone who has participated in a raided rave will testify. This power is made to be abused. Only the most inhumanly perfect Garda could resist. It would be better not to tempt them.
Funny, isn t it? As Ireland gets more draconian, Iran begins to liberalise. Their elections last weekends mark the end of the revolutionary phase instigated by Khomeini. Ah, those wild heady days. Or, in some cases, those wild beheady days. When they bearded the Yankee tyrant in front of the world. When they ululated and raved in the streets against the west . . .
Well, now it seems the tide has turned. A new liberal regime has been elected. Liberal? Well, everything is relative!
But there s a new show in town, led by President Mohammed Khatami. His followers have won a sweeping majority, indicating a marked dilution of the rigid Islamic doctrines that have dominated the country s legislature since the 1970s.
This has to be a good thing, provided they maintain security on their borders with Afghanistan that, after all, is still a major source of the heroin which leaks into Europe by the boatful. This apart, the world needs a prosperous and outward-looking Iran.
But also, it s a beautiful place, full of the most exquisite art treasures. After a generation of isolation, we may now start to think of going there, for the skiing, the mountains, the sun, the architecture, the history, the metalwork, the pistachios, the apricots . . .
One man who will have cause to regret the new restrictions imposed by the bould O Donoghue, but who will still be grateful this isn t Iran, is a man called Tom, who has been leading the listeners to Joe Duffy s radio programme a merry dance in recent weeks. This is the bloke who has swindled B n B owners out of nights, rashers and goodwill in that order, and who has lived off the fat of the land like nobody s business.
I am a backdoor man. Well, the men don t know but the little girls they understand. Most men live on pork and beans. I eats more chicken than any man seen.
He will run and run!
The Hog