Take me to the river

The new millennium is growing real. Taking shape. Being. Where once it was viewed from afar as full of promise and threat and second comings, now it's revealing itself as a time of righteousness and intensity. Of everything: pain, hunger, vengeance, belief, colour, smell.

Two days from when I am writing this, 25 million people will bathe at the confluence of the Ganges, the Yamun and the (mythical) Saraswati. All in one day. You will have seen the pictures. Unbelievable. Beyond all comprehension. Eight times the population of Ireland, five times the population of this entire island. Bathing, in one crammed meeting of the waters.

This is the Hindu festival Kumbh Mela. It is the biggest festival ever staged on earth, the biggest gathering of people. The photographs are as pictures from the bible. Huge nameless hordes, a vast half-naked babble, comprising the devout, the desperate and the deranged. Among them are 7000 turd-pickers and unknown numbers of sadhus or holy men. Not pronounced like saddos. But close. Take me to the river, wash me in the water.

A prelude to a blitz? Perhaps. Certainly, there is every likelihood that Hindu and Muslim extremists will have at each other in India in the coming months and years and this Kumbh Mela may come to be seen as the end of a cycle of tolerance and coexistence. If the worst comes, as it probably will, it will be over a temple in Ayodhya in the north of India. Remember the name. Thousands died there in 1992, but few of us can recall. Which tells its own tale.

Well, as these pilgrims struggle towards nirvana, hundreds of hungry penguins have arrived in Rio de Janeiro. To show their bottoms, perhaps. Or just to eat. Ah madness, madness. One mammal biologist at Rio zoo told a newspaper that when people p-p-p-pick up a penguin, "you wouldn't believe how many put penguins in freezers". That's what he said! Jasus, how thick can you get???

Well! It's not a million miles from Rio to Belfast. Actually, on reflection it is! But enough of that. The big story last week concerned another wandering bird. Not a penguin this time but a parrot. An African grey, called Sambo. And a loyalist, celebrated for his stirring rendition of The Sash.

These birds are famous for their longevity and intelligence. Everything is relative, I suppose. Their vocabulary of 2000 words is said to rival if not exceed that of many loyalist politicians. Maybe. Sambo escaped from his home in Tiger's Bay a couple of years ago. There were fears for him, because a fellow with a repertoire like that might not last very long in the neighbouring New Lodge.

Whatever. The truth is that in a myriad of ways, Sambo is a symbol of the new Ireland. He's a singer, an immigrant, a loyalist and an outsider. He's not shy. He has a vocabulary and he's going to use it. He's been behind bars.

Ah yes. Sambo was described by his owner as "just like a person wi' feathers". You'd wonder would she be quite so tolerant if he was black. But that's another story.

Another symbol of New Ireland spent a bit of time behind bars last week as well, but it wasn't for singing. Quite the opposite. Liam Lawlor was banged away precisely because he wouldn't sing for the Flood tribunal. Bold man! Another scene that would have been unbelievable a couple of years ago.

I hold no candle for Liam Lawlor. None at all. But I have to say that the media scrum that surrounded his incarceration was gross and indecent. And the salivating satisfaction with which sleazebags reported on whether Lawlor would have to slop out his own shit, and attempted to rouse a media frenzy because he wasn't in exactly the same conditions as the rest of the prison was disgusting.

I am reminded of the Gary Larson cartoon in which the professor finally discovers what dogs have been saying for years. It's "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!".

We need out. Some way of getting back our sanity and maybe even decency.

We should have a ritual like Kumbh Mela. Call it Cluain Meala - Clonmel to most. Have all our politicians meet in Clonmel and proceed to bathe in the waters where the Nore, Barrow and Suir meet. Singing old-timey bluegrass spirituals and sean-nós dirges. Wash their sins away. Have them clean the feet of immigrants and beggars while they're at it. It might make a small gesture towards the belief that in Ireland we have more untouchables than India.

Meanwhile, the Son of Kabila took over in the Congo and the Son of Bush took over in the USA. Neither was elected by a majority vote. And Gloria Arroyo took over the Philippines from the disgraced Joseph Estrada. Another arrogant git, brought down by public indignation. And California was flattened by electricity blackouts. I won't go into why, except that the internet is blamed for a lot of it. All that logging on! Darkness in paradise. Truly - Intel is considering pulling out of silicone valley because it loses so much if there is even a flicker in the power supply. Every chip is toast, you might say.

Things change, friends. Things change!

Harry Rama.