While Richard Cook, Commander-in-Chief of the Kilkenny Festival, remains tight-lipped about the comedic Scud missiles he has stockpiled for this year s Wit Weekend, a fearsome array of heavy artillery has already been assembled.
Last week, razor-sharp British stand-up and television presenter Jeff Mills was confirmed, along with Anthony Clark, the uproariously funny star of hit US sitcom, Boston Common. Prior to that, a star-studded line-up was announced, boasting more comic talent than you could shake a rolled-up copy of Mother In Law Monthly at.
From this pool of talented players, I have been given the onerous duty of picking the ultimate Five-To-Follow Cat Laughs Comedy team. Revelling in my managerial role, I have ruminated at length before opting for the trusty 1-2-1 formation. My carefully selected Comedy V is as follows.

GOALKEEPER: Jason Byrne
They don t come more eccentric than this. The comedy world is currently very much Byrne s oyster, now that he s got over the crushing disappointment of being beaten in last year s Best Newcomer category by Dublin s Jervis Street Shopping Centre. Jason peddles a fine line in visual gags, hair gags, Brendan O Carroll impersonations and OMC cover versions. He s been pencilled in for four gigs at Kilkenny, including two in the city s Watergate Theatre with Rich Hall. How bizarre, indeed . . .

SWEEPER: Barry Murphy
A solid, seasoned, dependable veteran of the Irish Comedy Scene who cut his teeth with Ardal O Hanlon and Kevin Gildea as part of comedy-trio Mr Trellis. It is a measure of the esteem in which Barry is held that the Murphy s Cat Laughs Festival is actually named after him. Barry has been a revelation of late, particularly when he showcased a wealth of exciting new material while supporting Dylan Moran in Dublin s Olympia Theatre. The second-to-none Frank Stapleton impressions are still there, of course a recent guest appearance on Radio Ireland s Murray & Mackey Show rendered both presenters speechless, such were their paroxysms of mirth.
MIDFIELD: Dylan Moran
More creative than Gianfranco Zola, but not quite as good at football, Dylan describes himself as a random bag of tits duvet type thing that smokes and drinks beer. Moran is equally at home waxing lyrical about the arthouse influence of Fellini s work, and his pants. Need I say more?

MIDFIELD: Alan Davies
A brilliantly inventive comic, it s been said that Davies could ramble for England. And quite often, he does. A regular guest on any television show that will have him, he arrives in Kilkenny on the back of several appearances on The Clive James Show, Have I Got News For You, Fantasy Football League andThey Think It s All Over among others. One of the stars of last year s festival.

STRIKER: Rich Hall
Ever the grouch, American comic Rich Hall remains convinced that the only reason people come to his shows is because they mistake him for the venue. Hall is an Emmy award-winning writer with a rapier wit and a keen eye for analysis. David Letterman is a big fan, but don t let that put you off.

Captain Cook has yet to name the star attraction of The Wit Weekend and rumours abound about the identity of The Big Name. Last year it was Bill Murray, this year . . . nobody knows. Except me.
G-L-E-N-D-E-N-N-I-N-G, 11 letters, they don t come much bigger than that . . . n